There’s a whole mess of planes getting about on this here planet of ours, and curiously the process of dumping one when its past its used-by date isn’t exactly a widely known concept.
There are aeroplane graveyards around the traps, where old birds are left to rust and decay – pilfered for parts on the odd occasion. But, as it turns out, not every decommissioned plane winds up there.
At Kuala Lumpur International Airport right now, there are three Boeing 747s that have been parked in bays on the airport’s tarmac for over a year.
Malaysia Airports – the controlling body for all airports in the country – placed a full page ad in the nation’s highest circulated English paper demanding that the owner of the planes, whoever they are, come and move them immediately, or else the airport authority will either dispose of – or sell – the planes at their convenience.
All the planes are completely stripped of markings, and have not been used since they were parked.
Zainol Mohd Isa, the general manager of Malaysia Airports, stated the alleged owners are sure as shit taking their sweet ass time in coming to get them.
“We have been in communication with the so-called owner, but they have not been responding to take away the aircraft. That’s why we go through this process to legalise whatever actions we want to take.”
“We want to clear the area, we want to utilise our parking bay.”
Literally every finger and toe that I have is crossed in the blind hope that this is a massive Dude, Where’s My Car?-type situation.
PLEASE let some absolute loose unit have just parked those badboys at the airport and then taken off in some other commercial airliner whilst mainlining tiny bottles of Chivas Regal and woken up in some godforsaken country and not had a FUCKING CLUE what he did or how he got there.
“Look. I took those planes. I did. I put them *somewhere*. And now I’m here in Bucharest. Okay? I’m fine, by the way. Thanks for asking. And no, I have no idea whose pants these are or why I’m in a tree and I’ll THANK YOU NOT TO STARE, PLEASE.“
Also FWIW, Dude, Where’s My Plane? is a sequel that would clearly make money hand over fist and I am baffled – BAFFLED – as to why Hollywood hasn’t gotten on board yet.
Photo: De Agostini Picture Library/Getty Images.
