Never in my life did I suspect I would get so much pleasure from a photograph of someone else’s dad’s cryptically-labelled cereal containers. In fact, never in my life did I suspect that I would even be considering someone else’s dad’s cereal collection at all, and yet here we are, and it has inexplicably made my night, and as such it is my privilege to share this very strange and internetty tale with you, too.
Yesterday, Twitter user @zizekthottie (excellent handle) posted a photo to their timeline, captioned simply: “thinking about my father’s surreal cereal labelling methodology“.
The picture is of a wire pantry shelf, upon which are six identical plastic storage tubs filled with different cereals and labelled, well, completely surreally.
https://twitter.com/zizekthottie/status/1207677275925286913
Specifically, the labels are “CRUNCH”, “PRIVACY”, “YUM!”, “SUGAR BABY!”, “AMBIEN” and, uh, “TREE”.
The response was swift and baffled.
Under the original tweet, theories and conspiracies fly like Coco Pops at a school camp breakfast table. Debate is heated. Are they labelled in accordance with levels of food-related comfort? Context (what to eat when you’re on Ambien)? What ARE these mystery cereals? Are they simply… drugs, disguised as breakfast foods?
Lemme get an 1/8 of that privacy my brotha, please and thank you. pic.twitter.com/bf5cYii1lG
— Miss (@earthtenantC) December 20, 2019
https://twitter.com/Rufivert/status/1208132855756402688
https://twitter.com/zizekthottie/status/1207677880706228227
Tree is the one that makes the most sense
— Lady Wizzy 🌍 (@wizabeth) December 20, 2019
As someone who takes ambien nightly: hell yeah mini-wheats are ambien food. I’ve never felt so understood by a stranger labeling his cereal
— FelixTheAce (@AbbyM1395) December 20, 2019
https://twitter.com/zizekthottie/status/1207684494431526917
https://twitter.com/TheCumPoster/status/1207677517206892544
Well, one person believes they have the answer. Enter @niki7a, a.k.a. Nikita Kronenberg, who is pretty sure they’ve cracked the mystery cereal code. Behold: the logic of the Dad.
https://twitter.com/Niki7a/status/1207785300530884608
What say you? Does this check out? I admit, I saw “PRIVACY” and thought it might be an inordinately tasty brekky snack that was so irresistible that it required space away from prying eyes in which to devour it Cookie Monster-style – but I think Kronenberg might be closer to the mark.
In any case, I think we’ve hit the high-water mark for dad-related content in 2019. Happy holidays to us all, and take some time over the next week or so to congratulate your relevant father figure on his fibre intake. You know he’ll be proud.
