Full disclosure here, I’m not about to downplay the joy of a carefully handled car snack. Anyone who poo poo’s the concept of eating while driving has clearly never had McDonald’s chippies carefully fed to them while maintaining a tight 10 & 2 grip on the wheel. That said if you’re in the market for a cautionary tale on the subject, here you bloody go: A man in Victoria has copped a whopping great fine after he was caught driving while, get this, eating cereal.
The 25-year-old was pulled over this morning on the Hume Freeway near the rural town of Benalla, about an hour’s drive from the Victoria/NSW border.
Police report that the man was observed not only eating cereal while driving, but doing so out of a bowl while steering the car with his knees.
Just to unpack that for a minute: Old mate wasn’t just shoving fistfuls of Fruit Loops into his face straight out of the box like a normal, respectable person. He was full-on slurping that gear up from a saucer of milk while fanging it down the bloody Hume.
For those particular efforts, which police deemed to be failing to have full and proper control of a vehicle, he was slapped with a $248 fine.
Remarkably enough, just 10 minutes prior to this run in with the constabulary, the unidentified man was again pulled over by police, this time for using a phone while driving. For that little snafu, he copped a $496 fine and was given 4 demerit points.
I’m no big city police officer but at that point you probably could’ve clocked the bowl, milk, cereal, and spoon sitting on the front seat of the car and deduced that this man intends to fall down a mobile Special K hole imminently.
There’s a lesson here somewhere. Probably something like consider having your morning Cocoa Pops at home, or something like that. In fact, best to leave the whole cereal thing to scenarios involving zero wheels.
Unless you’re going at a box of Weet Bix one at a time, raw, like a savage. In which case you do you, man.