Scott Morrison’s Last Ever Speech In Parliament Was Batshit From Start To Excruciating Finish

Stand up and say a prayer folks, Former Prime Minister Scott Morrison is leaving Australian politics — surely a blessing from Jesus Christ himself — but not before giving what is effectively an entire sermon to Parliament broadcasted for us sinners at home.

If you ever doubted your suspicions that Morrison dreams of leading a Christian cult, prepare to be vindicated. Because those are exactly the vibes that come from his speech, which urges Australians not to stray from “Judeo-Christian” values lest we become a “valueless void” of a nation. The third Abrahamic religion is notably absent in his preaching.

Please, enjoy (or suffer through) his speech below:

My final contribution to this place in the same way I began my first one, in acknowledging the people of the Dharawal nation of Sydney. A very special people because they were the first to engage with Lieutenant James Cook on April 29, 1770. And that place in Kurnell is a very special place.

Ah, yes, what makes the Dharawal nation special is not that it is caretaker of the land we stand on, didn’t you know? It’s not its resilience and determination to survive in the face of violent colonialism and genocide. Nope, apparently what actually makes the Dharawal people special is their proximity to Captain Cook. Fuck, I wish I was making this up.

“We speak a lot of reconciliation in this place, as we should, and my experience of that place each and every year as we gather in a ceremony of reconciliation, I think, speaks to the best spirit of that. And on that place, I spoke about in my first maiden speech here, my maiden speech in this place, that it was important that we recognise this site. And I’m so pleased that over the time I was here, we were able to achieve that. 

And on that site now, there are artists calling it an installation. Others call it a monument. Others call it a statue. You can call it whatever you like, but I know what it means. There is the totem of the Dhurwal people, the whale. And it’s beautiful. There are many installations along the shore, but the one that is most striking is that the tide comes in and laps on it and recedes is the skeleton of a whale. But it is also the skeleton of a ship like the Endeavour. And on each of the rings of that skeleton is inscribed the journals of Lieutenant James Cook. If you haven’t been there, go there. It is a wonderful place to reflect on how two stories become one.

And for me, that’s what reconciliation has always been about with Indigenous people. We weave together the people. We weave together the individual strands of individual Australians of so many different backgrounds and experiences – from our Indigenous peoples, to the most recent citizens. Each strand unique but, together, weaved as one. And for me, that site will always mean that. And it’s wonderful to acknowledge it here today. And the artists and so many who made that possible. As well as my practice as Prime Minister, I always – when acknowledging Indigenous Australians – I would also, in the same breath, acknowledge those men and women who served Australia in our Defence Forces. In the past, those who serve now. For the simple reason – that they are the providers of our freedom. And everything we have in this country, we owe to them.

Ah yes, because what we really need is Scott Morrison, a white Christian man who is a direct descendants of colonisers and has actively benefitted from this country’s invasion, to tell us what reconciliation really means. Not righting the wrongs of the past, compensating Indigenous folk for stealing their land, or making active efforts to heal the centuries of hurt. No, real reconciliation is actually not only forgiving our colonisers and being grateful for them. Who would have thought!

Don’t even get me started on Morrison then going on to acknowledge Indigenous people “in the same breath” as our soldiers. Like, I simply cannot even begin to process how wildly inappropriate a false comparison that is. We’re only a few minutes into this speech and we’ve already completely disregarded the pain, humiliation and suffering colonisation caused. How on brand.

“One of my early days – the member for Blaxland was here. We trekked together, in the spirit of bipartisanship. He was a little quicker than me – still is. We trekked Sendarkin, the track in Papua New Guinea, and went on to also go to Gallipoli. And at the end of those treks, we would stand together with the young people who were with us, and we’d hold hands and face the cemetery or in Sendarkin or elsewhere, and we’d hold hands, look at those tombstones, and thank them. And commit our lives to live lives that are worthy of their sacrifice. Incredibly moving. And we would say, ‘They gave their tomorrows for our today.’ And so it is easy for us all, in that spirit, to acknowledge our Defence Forces, those who serve in them, and serve in them today — far from here, and nearby — and simply say, ‘Thank you for your service.’ Today is not an opportunity to run through a bullet-point list of things.”

Please, I’m begging you, just do the bullet points.

It is, importantly, an opportunity for me to simply express my thanks and appreciation and admiration for those who have made my service here in this place possible, and to pass on what I hope are some helpful reflections from my time here that may assist those who continue to serve. So let me begin with my thank yous.

Firstly, and importantly, to my constituents in Cook. It has been my great privilege to have served you as your local member in this Parliament for these past more than 16 years, where you have been kind enough to elect me on six successive occasions. I thank you for the tremendous and steadfast support you have provided to me and my family, who join me here today, during this time. Whatever was going on at the time — success, failure, and everything in between — when I returned to the electorate, and particularly those who know the area know what I’m talking about, when I go up the rise of the Captain Cook Bridge and descend into God’s country itself, the Shire, I would feel a great sense of belonging. I would feel great sense of reassurance and peace. All of us who live there know this.”

That’s cute. I live in south Sydney and my mum actually wouldn’t let me go to Cronulla beach alone as a teenager, becauses she was scared I would be attacked for being Muslim a lá the 2005 Cronulla riots. But I’m so glad you feel at home, Scomo!

This is as much, though, about the people as it is the place. It is home. And always will be. Mine is a community that is unashamedly proud of our country. That deeply values family life and what it takes to live a life that keeps families together. That works hard.

Unless you’re Muslim or an immigrant. Then fuck off I guess!

They take responsibility for themselves. They appreciate and respect both their own and others’ good fortune. And they’re generous to those around them, celebrating their successes or providing a hand up whenever and wherever it is needed. It is also a community that enthusiastically shares in supporting and maintaining the important community and social infrastructure that preserves our way of life. It is a community that does not leave it to others – including the government. Mine is a community that does not look for what it is owed, but what it can contribute. For how it can make a contribution, not take one — both nationally and locally. They are a community of patriots, and I am pleased to describe them as such in this place. Both locally and in my national roles — including as Prime Minister — I’ve always been guided by the strong local values of my community. Family, community, small business. And what I described as the fair go for those who have a go. This is what makes the Shire and southern Sydney such a great place to live and raise a family — and there are plenty of quiet Australians who understand that as well. Ever since I was first elected, I’ve always seen it as my job to try and keep it that way. And I believe I’ve honoured that commitment.

If you mean keeping racial tensions stoked and flamed in the region, to the point that it feels like nothing much has changed in the last two decades, then you’re so right king. Good job!

I particularly thank the myriad of community organisations and sporting clubs, school communities, volunteers, small businesses, church and charitable groups that make our local community — as they do all of our communities so great and so resilient. Including my beloved Sharks. These groups and organisations are the heart of our community, and I’ve always enjoyed the role I have played to support and enable them in their efforts. And I’m very proud of what we’ve been able to achieve altogether in our community over this time. I also want to thank my many local Liberal Party supporters and members.

I made the executive decision to skip listing the thank yous because otherwise we’d be here forever, but it was basically every person that’s ever had anything to do with the Liberal Party, and then everyone he’d ever come into contact with in Church.

Moving on.

As most people know, subject only to God, my family is the centre of my life. And at the very centre Centre of our family is Jen. I cannot imagine life without her. I love you, Jen, and always will. That is the cross you have to bear. Your love has been my stay and strength. You are the other half of our joined soul who, by the grace of God, brought Abby and Lily, our miracle girls, into our lives, who we celebrate and love. I thank Abby and Lily for their own sacrifices as they’ve grown, necessitated by having a father in public life. They are beautiful girls in every way, as you can see, and I could not be more proud of them as a father. They are our joy and our delight. And I am so pleased that we can now have the time that was necessarily denied us for so long.

In preparing for this day, Abby and Lily suggested that I should play a type of Taylor Swift bingo. And I’m wearing the bracelet, by the way, has ‘ScoMo’ on it. And they said, by trying to work the names of every single Taylor Swift album into my remarks… Well, what’s a dad to do? Here I go.”

Oh God. Please no. Make it stop.

“It is true that my political opponents have often made me see red. Often when subjected to the tortured poets who would rise to attack my reputation. In response, I always thought it important to be fearless and speak now. Or forever 

“Hold my silence and allow those attacks to become folklore. Ever since leaving university in… ..1989…(LAUGHTER)..this has always been my approach. My great consolation has always been my lover, Jen, who has always been there for me whenever I needed her from dawn, and beyond the many midnights we have shared together. See? I’m actually a true romantic after all. I can assure there is no bad blood. As I’ve always been someone who has been able to… ..shake it off.”

Why is our country so unserious? PLEASE, ENOUGH.

“My family growing up were the dominant example for my life. They taught me that life is about what you contribute, not what you accumulate. They taught me about the duty and dignity of public service. But beyond this, I would never have known God and my saviour Jesus Christ if it was not for them. I can think of no greater gift. OK. That’s the emotional stuff done. You’re not used to seeing that side of me. Having said my thank yous and expressed my appreciation, I would now like to reflect on just three things I have learned along the way that may help those dealing with the challenges of the future who continue in this place. The first of these is that, without a strong economy, you cannot achieve your goals as a nation. All good government must start with nurturing a strong, innovative, dynamic, entrepreneurial, market-based economy.

In the 1980s, we threw off the shackles of the Federation institutions that Paul Kelly who was here today wrote about, that were holding our economy back. This led my generation into 30 years of economic change that, despite some missteps along the way — including a recession we had to have — produced the longest period of continuing economic growth that any nation in the modern world has known. And there have been strong contributions made to this achievement by both sides of politics, which I acknowledge. And always note, with the Liberals’ and Nationals’ support. At the end of the pandemic, I was pleased to note that after six years of painstaking effort, we had restored the budget to balance and maintained our AAA credit rating. This was achieved by focusing on economic growth and containing growth in public spending, which at the time our government had the lowest rate of growth in public spending of any government for decades. This would prove vital in the years that followed.

Having saved for a rainy day, it was now raining — it was pouring — and we had to respond. Australia would emerge with one of the lowest fatality rates from COVID in the developed world. When compared to the average fatality rates of OECD countries, Australia’s response saved more than 30,000 lives. We were described as the gold standard of COVID responses by Bill Gates at the Munich Security Conference, and the second-most-COVID-prepared nation by the John Hopkins Institute. This will always be to Greg Hunt‘s great credit and all those he worked with — his eternal credit.”

Crazy how we’re just skipping over the fact that Morrison just… didn’t get us COVID vaccines, and Kevin Rudd had to step in.

It’s also true that during the pandemic, the rate of suicide actually fell, and remained down in 2021. This was nothing short of an answer to prayer, and the extraordinary efforts of our mental health workers, professionals, and services. And I particularly want to acknowledge Professor Patrick McGorry and Christine Morgan, who are incredible supports to me during that time. Our plan was not just about saving lives, but to save livelihoods as well. And this was achieved with Australia emerging with one of the strongest economies through COVID. Our historic economic response kept 700,000 businesses in business. It kept more than a million Australians in work. And despite these unpredicted outlays, Australia was one of just nine countries to retain our AAA credit rating. Our response was timely. It was targeted. And it was temporary. And we responsibly retired measures as soon as it was prudent to do so, leading to an historic reduction in the actual budget deficit, with the budget even moving into structural surplus during COVID. And as Josh asked me to remind everyone this morning — an unemployment rate with a “3” in front of it when we left. JobKeeper and the myriad of economic supports designed by Josh and I with Mathias Cormann, and later Simon Birmingham, and the whole team at Treasury and the ATO, would have been fanciful had we not entered into this crisis with a tank that was full. We cannot take our economy for granted. Employers and businesses creating jobs is how you run a strong economy and put a budget into structural balance and keep it there.

During my time in this place, I observed that many of the old partisan differences on economic policy have regrettably re-emerged. In 2019, we fought an election on this, and we prevailed in our miracle election win. Looking forward, we must be careful not to institutionalise our economy. Such an approach will only negate the capacity we have as a nation to deliver on the essentials that Australians rely on. Crush entrepreneurial spirit, and that wonderful spirit of small business, and leave us vulnerable in the face of new threats to our sovereignty. Which brings me to my second point — those threats are there. And they’re real. During my time in this place, and especially as prime minister, we have seen an end to the post-Cold War period of globalisation, and the emergence of a new era of strategic competition where our global rules-based order is being challenged by a new arc of autocracy. This arc of autocracy, which I referred to as prime minister, ranges from Pyongyang to Beijing to Tehran and Moscow. A cord of would-be regiments who care little for the price their own citizens pay to achieve their ends.

There’s a lot of irony in Morrison talking about leaders who make their citizens pay the price of achieving their ends.

 “For these reasons, our government stood firm against against coercion of an aggressive Chinese Communist Party in Beijing, who thought we would shrink when pressed. Indeed, we not only stood firm, but worked with our allies and partners and those in our region who countered this threat to regional peace, prosperity and stability. AUKUS, the Quad, new trading and defence relationships, the first-ever strategic defence cooperation partnership of any nation with ASEAN. And others including PNG, the Pacific Step-up — all designed to protect our sovereignty and stand up for a global rules-based order that favours freedom, especially here in our own region of the Indo-Pacific.

I’ll be honest, the only sovereignty I want to hear about is sovereignty for Indigenous populations of Australia.

“In this respect, I pay respect to Marise Payne and Dan Tehan, and thank the [Donald] Trump and [Joe] Biden administrations, Prime Minister Narendra Modi, my good friends Boris Johnson and James Marape, Mike Pence and Mike Pompeo and Robert O’Brien, and pay tribute to the late and great Shinzo Abe, and his successors, Prime Minister Kishida.”

I was wondering when we’d start thanking fascists. FYO, Modi has been accused of condoning violent Hindu supremacy and persecuting Muslims in India. And, I mean, do I even need to explain the issues with Boris Johnson or Donald Trump?

“The 2022 election may have provided an opportunity for Beijing to step back from their failed attempts at coercion. But we must not be deluded. Tactics change, but their strategy remains the same. We are not alone in waking up to this threat. Investors are now rightly pricing the risk of their investments in an authoritative communist China, while consumer advocates are waking up to human rights abuses and environmental degradation that infects these supply chains. This requires continued vigilance and the connection between all spheres of policy to create and protect supply chains, integrate and align our strategic and military capabilities, so we can protect our sovereignty and counter the threat that is real and building.”

Imagine discussing human rights and yet cosying up to Israel and refusing to condemn its human rights abuses in Gaza.

In Tehran, we find the funders, trainers and apologists for terrorists seeking to acquire the most deadly technology in existence — nuclear weapons. Their attack on October 7 is unforgivable. There can be no way we can stand as a representative democracy as another democracy is under attack.

It’s worth noting here that Israel is a Jewish ethno-state which recently granted special privileges to people from Jewish backgrounds. So, because it does not have equal rights for all citizens, there have been some questions on whether Israel can identify as a “democracy” anymore.

“There can be no equivocation in calling out the anti-Semitism that has now occurred in our country to our shame, and others across the western hemisphere in the wake of October 7. I’m pleased to acknowledge the presence of the ambassador in our parliament today. I’m proud of our swift response to Ukraine. This must continue and is, utilising every resource and capability we can reasonably provide. Ukraine may be a long way from Australia, but the implications of a Russian victory will reverberate just as quickly in our own hemisphere, emboldening again those who seek to challenge our region. So my third point: how do we stand? And on what ground? 

Well, on the very same ground that established our western civilisation, that inspired and enabled the modern pluralist representative democracy we now enjoy. We stand on the values that build a successful free society: individual liberty, the rule of law, equality of opportunity, responsible citizenship, morality, liberty of speech, thought, religion and association. All of these stem from the core principle of respect for individual human dignity. So does representative democracy. And even market-based capitalism. This is a unique Judaeo-Christian principle.”

Aaaaaand here’s where the Christian preaching starts.

I’m not even sure I have the energy to properly interrogate the constant use of language that divides the world into “west” and “east”, or the interesting omission of one specific Abrahamic religion from the term “Judaeo-Christian”, despite all three having similar roots and teachings regarding economies and money.

But also, I’m sure Muslims everywhere are glad not to be associated with this guy.

“It is about respecting each other’s human dignity through our creation by God’s hand and God’s image for God’s glory. Where each human life is eternally valued, is unique, is worthy, is loved, and is capable. This is the very basis for our modern understanding of human rights. With the advance of secularism in Western society, we may wish to overlook these connections or even denounce them. But the truth remains. Human rights or abuses were once called “crimes against God”, not just humanity. And they are, and they remain so. These truths are not self-evident, as some claim. As history and nature tells a very different story. They are divinely inspired. You don’t need to share my Christian faith to appreciate the virtue of human rights. I’m not suggesting you do.

Well, you are, actually.

“But equally, we should be careful about diminishing the influence and the voice of Judaeo-Christian faith in our Western society, as doing so risks our society drifting into a valueless void. In that world, there is nothing to stand on. There is nothing to hold onto. And the authoritarians and autocrats win. 

Just to clarify, Australia is a secular state, right? Right??

Imagine a former prime minister of a secular state getting up on stage and telling the entire nation that it will become a valueless void lest it accept God. But also, not the Muslim God. Specifically the Christian and Jewish one. Even though all three worship the SAME God.

The audacity and thinly veiled Islamophobia is truly unfathomable.

“So in the increasing Western embrace of secularism, let us be careful not to disconnect ourselves from what I would argue is our greatest gift and most effective protect of our freedoms – the Judaeo-Christian values upon which our liberty and society was founded. Even if you may not believe, it would be wise to respect and appreciate this important link and foundation. So to conclude, you’ll be pleased to note, a warning about politics where I have spent most of my professional life, as most of us here have. I know that all political philosophies and ideologies, including my own, are imperfect and regularly confounded by events outside our control. I experienced this firsthand leading Australia through the global pandemic. In my experience, the practice of politics is largely about contesting which approaches are less imperfect than others. In my view, those are the views of the Liberal Party. And then trying to humbly appreciate and compensate for their imperfections. It’s like Winston Churchill‘s famous like, to paraphrase, “Democracy is the worst form of government — except for all the others.” While a noble calling, politics can only take you so far, and government can only do so much. You can say the same thing about the market. You won’t find all the answers there either. And you won’t find it in unrestricted libertarianism and more command-and-control communism.

In the Liberal Party, we’ve always believed in how great Australians can be, rather than governments, with the true test being how we are able to enable Australians to realise their own aspirations.

I suspect that much of our disillusion with politics today and our institutions is that we have put too much faith in them.”

Nope, I’m pretty sure that disillusionment started because Scomo fucked off to Hawaii during a national crisis, actually. Or maybe people are frustrated by his government’s refusal to take climate change seriously, or his constant sexist gaffes, or the fact that he failed to lead the country on a half-a-million-dollar salary, while every day Aussies are expected to survive during a cost of living crisis on peanuts.

The list goes on, but clearly we aren’t interested in reality today.

At the end of the day, the state and the market are just run by imperfect people, like all of us. While politics may be an important and necessary place for service, I would also warn against it being a surrogate for finding identity, ultimate meaning and purpose in life. There are far better options than politics. In the dignity of difference, Rabbi Sacks wrote that politics turn under to a nation, when the nation in the face of fascism or system communism was absolutised and turned into a god. Mr Speaker, I leave this place not as one of those timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat — I leave having given all in that arena, and there are plenty of scars to show for it. While I left nothing of my contributions on that field, I do believe that, in that arena, will always remain any bitterness, disappointments or offences that have occurred along the way. I leave this place appreciative and thankful, unburdened by offences, and released from any bitterness that can so often haunt post-political lives.

This is due to my faith in Jesus Christ, which gives me the faith to both forgive but also to be honest about my own failings and shortcomings.

Is he… forgiving us?!?!

“During my time as prime minister, the power and necessity of forgiveness was demonstrated to me most profoundly by the families whose children was taken from them, and they found the strength to forgive. To those who may feel uncomfortable with my Christian references and scripture references here or at other times, I can’t apologise for that. Because of what it says in Romans 1:16: “For I am not ashamed of the Gospel. It is in the power of those who believe.” And Timothy 1:17. “I am not ashamed. I am convinced he is able entrust what I have given to him until that day.” In that vein, let me encourage Thessalonians 2:16 “now may I Lord Jesus Christ Himself and our Lord and father, whose love has given us eternal comfort and good hope by grace, comfort and strengthen your hearts in every good work and deed.”

Thank you, all those who have joined me here today, or are listening elsewhere, for your kind attention. And, as always – up, up, Cronulla!

How about up YOURS, Scott Morrison. What a blithering pile of bullshit to dump on us, religious guilting, gaslighting, thinly veiled western supremacy and all.