PEDESTRIAN.TV has teamed up with Calypso Mangoes to celebrate mango season.
If you’ve never delved into supermarket reviews before, boy, are you missing out. I sifted through 28 pages of Calypso Mango reviews and people have thoughts. Passionate and earnest thoughts. It’s quite the insight into a slice of humanity.
This is how I imagine these passionate folks tip-tapping away all evening about their love of mangoes…
While I had the time of my life reading these, I must say, the cult following of Calypso Mangoes needs to be more creative with their reviews. I have never seen the phrase ‘sweet and juicy’ more in my life. The use of ‘lovely’ and ‘summer’ was also rampant.
Cutting down the 274 reviews I read to a top seven might just be the toughest task I’ve had in my career yet. In a completely subjective ranking, I’ve pulled out the ones which made me laugh.
So, without further ‘ado, let’s rank the juiciest reviews…
#7
I feel like I know this reviewer so well. I’ve peered into their heart, can feel their Calypso obsession. Certainly hope their mango retirement is fruitful (ha).
#6
This one tickled me. I know flesh is technically what it’s called but come on, if I’m biting into the Best Mango In The Entire Southern Hemisphere, I’d rather call it pure-gold pulp.
#5
Look, would this person win a review-writing competition? Absolutely not. But I reckon the six-word reflection has a certain pizzaz to it.
It reads like fuzzlegiggle is remembering old times with a mango fondly as they look to the horizon and murmur “good quality” softly for the second time.
#4
BackseatPete, an agent of absolute chaos, is out here comparing apples and oranges mangoes and tangelos. Firstly, he clearly has it all wrong, they don’t even compete on the same level — the mango is by far superior. Secondly, sure tangelos kinda slap but get them outta the mango reviews, mate. C’mon, Pete.
#3
This one is so intense I had to include it. Explosion of flavour is a banger opener and it really makes me wonder how lea4000 would describe a random day.
‘I stomped into the house, feverish about the day ahead, ravenous for a delectable snack that would burst with flavour,’ is how I picture their inner-monologue…
#2
Peachbutt just gets it. After reading nearly 300 of these bad boys, I agree wholeheartedly with this sentiment. What can you say, it is but a mere mango.
#1
A relatable queen! The intention was there but hey, happens to the best of us. Hopefully next time the trifle gets to see the light of day because who doesn’t love a fruity dessert?!
Anyway, me and my new friend peachbutt wish you a happy mango season!
