Here’s How The Munted Voices Of ‘No’ Reacted To Today’s Beaut Result

Alright. We’ve all had our fun ~celebrating~ this yes result, and had a great time with Magda Szubanski dancing, and cried when Penny Wong cried, and will be drinking several celebratory (gay) beers as soon as work finishes if not several hours sooner, but now it’s time to check in with the ‘no’ camp, and see how they’re taking the news.

First up, Cory Bernardi, who I once described as “fearing queer kids like they just destroyed six of his seven Horcruxes” and I can honestly say I’ve never been happier with anything.

“I am very proud of the No campaign and the role the Australian Conservative played in it,” he wrote in his weekly newsletter. “At all times our team was respectful, factual and courageous in the face of a well-resourced opposition.”

Sure, mate.

Daily Telegraph columnist Miranda Devine wrote in her column today that she would “accept the same-sex marriage result with good grace”, which barely lasted the end of her article.

She wrote: “You cannot categorise four in ten Australians as bigots and homophobes, as No voters were branded during the campaign. No one would want to live in such a country, and of course we don’t. No voters were never bigots or homophobes, and should never have been slandered in such hateful fashion.”

IDK, if you can’t call people actively working to deny you equal rights based on your sexuality ‘homophobia’, what can you call them? Touched in the head, maybe?

Much has been made of areas of south-west Sydney returning ‘no’ votes, so here’s this searing hot take from News Corp‘s most precocious columnist.

(FWIW, young Caleb is claiming he voted ‘yes’. This take is still incredibly bad, though.)

Former prime minister Tony Abbott congratulated the ‘yes’ campaign, but also thanked the 4.7 million Australians who voted ‘no’, and urged parliament to “implement same-sex marriage with freedom of conscience for all, not just the churches.”

That’s a pretty common theme with the ‘no’ lot a the moment, with the ‘no’ campaigners pivoting to ensure churches and such remain allowed to tell queer people to fuck off if they so choose to.

And speaking of – the Australian Christian Lobby‘s Lyle Shelton addressed the ‘no’ campaign shortly after the results were read out, and from what I can gather, reckons the postal survey was a successful example of democracy in action.

“The democracy hasn’t gone our way today, but I thank God that we live in a free and open and democratic society, and I trust those people who have been energised by this campaign will continue to participate in our democracy.”

Andrew Bolt had some incredible crack at the both ‘the left’ and ‘yes’ campaigners, by waving around this positive result as some kind of proof that the non-respectful debate was good, actually. (It wasn’t.)

“But know this: gays can party today because Australians proved yet again they are everything that Labor, the Greens and many journalists claimed they were not. They weren’t homophobic, hateful and apathetic. Yet activists tried everything to stop this public vote going again, even launching appeals to the High Court.”

And then later, he added this absolute doozy of a line:

“But note well: the widespread homophobia we were warned would erupt did not. The predicted suicides have also not occurred — or none that we’ve heard of.”

Liberal MP Andrew Hastie, who loudly advocated against same-sex marriage, said he will be apparently abstaining from a vote, despite his electorate voting a resounding ‘yes’. Great to represent those people, hey Andrew?

George Christensen, whose seat returned a 55.1% yes vote, says he’ll abstain from voting yes unless it offers “adequate religious and education protections.” Weird, I don’t remember same-sex marriage involving education outside of the ‘no’ campaigns scare tactics? Huh.

But as for the worst take in this whole damn country, well, it’s gotta be Kevin Andrews. Prepare yourself, friends. This one’s nuclear.

This entire debate has made me realise there’s a whole lot more homophobic bakers in this country than I would have ever thought possible… unless… oh wait….

Unusually enough, Mark Latham hasn’t come in, full gun’s blazing and sad dick swinging, to give the take that no one asked for, but there’s still time. Unfortunately, there’s always time for Mark Latham in this country. Ugh.