Melbourne, Melbourne. It’s a hell of a town. The rents are up and the train network’s down. The football’s played on a cricket ground. Melbourne, Melbourne.

Living in virtually any suburb of the Victorian capital means getting used to a long list of baffling intricacies that are unique to that suburb alone, that immediately change the instant you get even a block outside of the suburb, and that exist in complete contradiction to the ones possessed by all immediately bordering suburbs.

That charcuterie board of intricacies has been skewered pretty perfectly by locally-based animator Jim Ward who put up a short clip entitled “idiot guide to melbourne (for stupid melbourne babies)” that just about nails every suburb you’re likely to find yourself in across the city.

The uncomplicated clip rails on suburbs for their various foibles, like Richmond (pub cost too much), Brunswick West (it’s on the moon), South Yarra by day (Mum central), South Yarra by night (fights), Fitzroy (where are all these youths getting their goddamned money from), or Carlton (fun illegal).

There’s even a couple of good-ass nods to local icons like East Richmond Station or Coburg’s iconic Star Hand Car Wash & Sushi Bar.

Get it into ya, 3000ers.

Absolutely floored by the accuracy of the hoity toity gentrifying types trying to call Footscray the “Brooklyn of Melbourne.” There’s sure as shit nothing close to Nhu Lan in Williamsburg I give you the HOT BLOODY TIP.