Dear Rising Cost of Living, 

I would like to invite you to SUCK MY LEFT TESTICLE AND EAT A SMOOTHIE MAINLY COMPOSED OF RUNNY PUPPY-SHIT YOU SICK, TWISTED BASTARD. 

Please, immediately cease ploughing us with your curly, barbed prong ’cause it sucks. It sucks a lot. 

Yours Truly,

FCKN EVERYONE x x x

‘Straya: The Most Expenno City To Eat Out Is No Longer Sydney

These days, most simple activities require a mortgage to be taken out against homes we’ll literally never own, and even a casual meal with your main squeeze can practically bankrupt you. Clipp – a mobile payment and deals app for bars, pubs and restaurants – has pulled data from 650+ Australian food ’n drank vendors to find out which city is the cheapest, and which is the most expensive locale to enjoy a casual meal. Additionally, you could view the numbers as a measure of how badly you’re getting screwed based on where you’re living.

The figures are based off the average total price for a glass of house vino, a schooner of Carlton Draught, a burger and a small pizza (i.e. the twice-weekly staple meal of most Australian’s diets). 

Although the financial scorn of Sydney is so powerful it feels as though some random’s just come up to you, dowsed you in metho and threw their ciggie butt in your general direction – SOMEHOW, it’s not the most expensive place to get a feed + drink.

‘Straya: The Most Expenno City To Eat Out Is No Longer Sydney

Melbourne, the data concludes, is the most exy place to have a casual meal at $61.00, followed by Perth at $57.50, Brisbane at $55.50, Sydney at $51.60 and Adelaide taking the rear at $50.50. 

The cost of a frothy is highest in Sydney at $6.60, and lowest in Brisbane at $5.50. Brisvegas, however, will knock you back a pretty-penny if you’re a vino fan, with the average cost of a house white sitting at $9. 

The average price of a flippin’ burger – as in a bun, meat patty, cheese and salad – in Melbourne has reached critical levels, coming in at $23.50?????????????????????

‘Straya: The Most Expenno City To Eat Out Is No Longer Sydney

Don’t even get us started on the going price of a fucking pizza in Melbourne and Perth – carbalicious loving should never set you back $23.50. 

Clipp also conducted a suburb break-down of these cities to find out where exactly is going to punch you in the wallet the hardest.

SYDNEY

Most expensive suburb: Double Bay – total price $68.50.

Cheapest suburb: St Marys – total price $46.25.

MELBOURNE

Most expensive suburb: Southbank – total price $71.

Cheapest suburb: Werribee – total price $48.

BRISBANE

Most expensive suburb: Brisbane – total price $63.50.

Cheapest suburb: Strathpine – total price $44.

ADELAIDE

Most expensive suburb: North Adelaide – total price $55.20.

Cheapest suburb: Kilburn – total price $43.70.

PERTH

Most expensive suburb: Subiaco – total price $69.

Cheapest suburb: Rockingham – total price $51.20.

So yeah, we’re fucked on all fronts guys. Never leaving home is looking like a pretty decent option right now, if you can afford to keep it over your head that is. 

‘Straya: The Most Expenno City To Eat Out Is No Longer Sydney

Source: Clipp.