This week on ‘Life Imitates The Simpsons’, Victoria’s Public Records Office has released a series of batshit crazy entries for the Melbourne Landmark office and in hindsight, maybe the giant dome would’ve been a good idea.
Thanks to Twitter user @decryption, the “Melbourne Landmark” design competition ran back in 1978/79 and hoo boy, the entries were pretty interesting.
https://twitter.com/decryption/status/1290944991775211522
Naturally, after seeing the options above (which included a giant glass dome long before The Simpsons Movie first hit cinemas), I decided I simply must find out more about the elusive competition.
Upon further research, I learned that the competition was to find a landmark that (ideally) would’ve sat right where our beloved Federation Square currently resides. Ultimately, the competition was scrapped and none of the options ever came to fruition. But hoo boy, we came really bloody close to having some big ol’ titties in Melbourne’s CBD. No, really.
First up, we’ve got Melbourne’s Monumental Mammaries. Coffs Harbour may have the big banana but Melbourne could’ve had the Monumental Mammaries.
Yes, the nipples *were* meant to be revolving restaurants and yes, I am sad this doesn’t exist.
If that doesn’t quite tickle your fancy, we also had the big crocodile
Can’t quite put your finger on the right design? Well, there’s a design for that too!
Or, if you’re here for a good time not a long time, there’s also this proposal for the ~pleasure garden~, which looks like you tried to build Adelaide’s d’Ahrenberg Cube without instructions.
We’ve also got the big conch shell, which I’m fairly certain already exists in Noosa but sure.
But in all seriousness, the Hanging Gardens of Melbourne look absolutely picturesque and I am heartbroken that they don’t exist.
But if we’re being truly realistic here, the big dome is the landmark we deserve.
