Queensland Woman Has 50 Magpies In Her Backyard Daily & Ahh, I’d Rather Fucking Not


Let me just preface this story by reminding you all that birds are fucked.

Emus? Fucked. Owls? Hoot hoot, you’re fucked too. But most of all, magpies. Well and truly fucked.

[jwplayer RvZ3NOPA]

Naturally, as a certified magpie hater, I wanted to curl up into a ball and cry when I found out that Gold Coast woman Collette Dunn has upto 50 of the evil beasts in her backyard every single morning at 5.30am.

It truly is the stuff of nightmares.

“They came to me, I certainly didn’t go looking for them,” she said on Sunrise “They turned up at the yard one day and we built the relationship we have now.”

Well, when you’re feeding the magpies dried crickets, sunflower seeds and high-quality mince, they’re bound to come back to you.

‘It all started with one that we started feeding that had a broken beak. He told his friends!” She told the ABC.

I am not kidding when I tell you I’d rather shit in my hands and clap than have to put up with 50 (FIFTY!) magpies in my backyard.

Thankfully, Collette hasn’t been swooped by the evil devils yet. But give it time, I’m sure the ferocious peckers will turn on her eventually.

“They’ve never swooped me at all and I don’t hand feed them, so I don’t worry about the sharp beak,” she said. “They’re very well behaved, they come here, have their food, a bath and then take off for the day.”

Collette, who lives in Oxenford, Queensland, finds the birds “relaxing” and enjoys spending time with them every morning.

In my personal opinion, Collette lost all credibility when she said she wanted to “take the stigma away from magpies”.

This looks like a scene from Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds’.

Frankly, I don’t think the evil beasts have enough stigma. I would personally love to start a smear campaign against them.

Fuck magpies.