With round one of voting for The Guardian Australia‘s highly prestigious 2019 Bird Of The Year poll in the can, it’s our sworn duty to confirm to you all that Australian voting public has done the right and good thing by summarily turfing the piss-awful pelican from proceedings at the first possible opportunity.
This morning the Guardian revealed its shortlist of 10 birds for the second and final round of voting; those 10 birds being the ones with the most votes from round one. That whittles the list down from its original 50, and the big-beaked bastard of the seas is now, rightfully, nowhere to be seen.
The 10 fine and mighty birds remaining in the poll are, in no particular order, the rainbow lorikeet, the black-throated finch, the Australian white ibis, the laughing kookaburra, the wedge-tailed eagle, the Australian magpie, the tawny frogmouth, the superb fairywren, the willie wagtail, and the sulphur-crested cockatoo.
Again, the pelican – a loose-necked dog of a creature capable of hiding terrible, terrible secrets – is not among that field.
Previously we made our thoughts very clear on the matter: That the pelican, a winged demon bird that looks like Marvin The Martian got his face jammed in a hang glider, should not be allowed the prestigious Bird Of The Year title.
That it was even in the running at all, what with its love of being a shit-eating dork, seems like a severe oversight.
Fortunately enough, the voting public agreed, and the bird received a dizzyingly low amount of votes; not enough to come close to the cutoff mark of 1,715, which the wedge-tailed eagle, in tenth place over all, hauled in.
For this, we can only offer our sincerest gratitude and thanks.
From the bottom of our hearts, thank you.
The pelican does not deserve to be Bird Of The Year, in this year, or any other.
Justice has prevailed.
You can cast your final vote for the 2019 Bird Of The Year via the official polling page.Image: Getty Images / Auscape