Josh Tyler, the wine “expert” behind terrible (but brilliantly named) wine blog Shirazamataz, is here to impart on you his vinous wisdom. With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, Josh offers you his guidance on what wine to choose to give your romance game an aperitif-assisted boost. Josh appears on PLONK, the wine-centric new web series that debuted online this week. Watch it here after you decide which aromatic drop will equal a panty drop. Take it away Josh…
The first time I took a girl on a date we went to see the movie Kundun. Needless to say, I didn’t get lucky that night. There is something about exile that doesn’t exactly get the juices flowing. The second time I took a girl on a date we went ice-skating and I accidentally skated over her pinky. Fortunately there was lots of ice on hand, but again – I didn’t get lucky. On the third date I uncovered a fool proof technique, a sensual little secret that is sure to get your valentine in the mood.
The third date was with a girl called Morag, she worked construction and had a very dry sense of humour. I took her to the pub, we shared a bottle of Hunter Valley Semillon and that night I didn’t just get lucky – I found nirvana. See, the sting in Cupid’s arrow was matching Morag’s dry sense of humour with a dry Semillon. My work as PLONK’S resident wine expert has helped me sharpen this technique down to a fine art. In the interest of romantics everywhere, I’ve laid out a few classic wine matches to get you started:
• Fancy a full-bodied woman with a booming voice? I recommend a big red, a hearty Shiraz from a warm climate region.
• Got your eye on a peach of a girl with a short attention span? Buy her a glass of Sauvignon Blanc. In fact, any run-of-the-mill house white should do the trick.
• A self confessed tart in red lipstick? Go a high acid, citrus strong Riesling.
• Desire a sweet country girl, straight off the farm, wandering the city streets in a daze? The honeysuckle aromas of a Pinot Grigio will have her sleeping on your couch in no time.
• Into the older ladies? Pull out a bottle of Tawny Port and light a fire.
• Woozy in love with a curvy, buttery minx? She’ll love the classic style of oak-aged Chardonnay.
• A bookish yet sophisticated woman in a power suit? Forget wine and order Cosmopolitans.
Why don’t you try it for yourself and let me know how it goes at shirazamataz.tumblr.com The worst thing that can happen is you try some nice wines and go home alone. At least no one loses a pinky.
Happy Valentine’s day!
x Josh
