PEDESTRIAN.TV has partnered with UTS:INSEARCH to ensure y’all aren’t thinking that your ATAR defines you. UTS:INSEARCH is a premium pathway into the uni and should be on your radar if you didn’t cop the score you were chasing. Realise #ImNotaNumber and learn more about UTS:INSEARCH by heading HERE.


ATAR

Look, I’m sure you would’ve been told this before, but it’s certainly worth reiterating that your ATAR results will not define you. If you don’t get what you’re chasing, dust yourself off and get back on that ol’ horse. 

However, if you’re nervous for their release because you’ve convinced yourself it’ll be a bloodbath (which regardless of the outcome, it won’t), then we’ve got some ace advice on how to sensitively break the news to your nearest and dearest. 

BUST OUT SOME BALLOONS 

Who in their right mind DOESN’T love a big ol’ bunch of balloons? They instantly put a smile on the dial of even the most negaholics amongst us. 

How To Break An Average ATAR To Your ‘Rents & Mates

So, in light of this, help use balloons to drop your ATAR to those who you’ve gotta tell.

1. Write your ATAR on a balloon in black marker, preferably a Sharpie (‘cos Sharpies are the best).

2. Using a helium tank, blow up an obscene amount of balloons and tie ribbon to them so you can create a giant bunch. 

3. Gather all those who have a vested interest in your ATAR mark in one room.

4. Tell them that if they want to know, they’re going to have to hunt through this giant collection of balloons to find it.

5. Stand and watch your pals / fam frolic in the balloons until someone finds the one marked with your score. 

6. Feel a wave of relief as no one takes notice of the score because they’re far too preoccupied playing with balloons. 

How To Break An Average ATAR To Your ‘Rents & Mates

HIRE A MARCHING BAND 

C’mon. Who wouldn’t be absolutely floored by seeing an impromptu marching band celebrating all things *you*? NO ONE I TELLS YA. NO ONE. 

How To Break An Average ATAR To Your ‘Rents & Mates

1. Get in touch with your school’s band and see if they’ll help you. 

2. Purchase and distribute costumes ft. embroidery of your final ATAR score. 

3. Send an invite to your pals + life givers describing a hush-hush event (surprising them with a marching band is half the fun) that’s gonna blow ’em away. 

4. Block off a long stretch of land, preferably a street, for the performance.

5. Witness those close to you completely ignore your less-than-ideal mark as they cheer on the musicians. 

 

How To Break An Average ATAR To Your ‘Rents & Mates

ASK AUNTY MERYL FOR ASSISTANCE 

Think about it: there’s only one human, living or dead, who’s capable of breaking any sort of news to a crowd and still leave them smiling. Her name is Meryl Streep, and she’s going to make everything okay.

How To Break An Average ATAR To Your ‘Rents & Mates

1. Get in touch with Streep’s respective agent and / or publicist, letting them know you’re in need of assistance. 

2. Wait patiently for several weeks as your request is processed by the appropriate bodies.

3. Receive a call from Streep, who’s of course eager to help you in any capacity. 

4. Organise flights and dinner reservations for those who need to know your ATAR. 

5. Have a fabulous evening filled with wine and laughter and Meryl Streep.

6. Upon the conclusion of the night, give an elaborate hate gesture to her signaling that it’s time for her to unveil your mark.

7. Watch your nearest and dearest break into rapturous applause upon receiving the news of your score. 

How To Break An Average ATAR To Your ‘Rents & Mates

Okay, as you might’ve realised by now, this are all a tad OTT. Why? ‘Cos there’s an easy way to strategically tell those who you reckon need to know what your ATAR is. It’s called having a conversation

SHOCK HORROR, we know.

If your support network’s unable to be supportive of you, then they’re probably not worth keeping around. There’s plenty of people out there kicking goals left, right, and centre who would’ve been flat as a tack about their leaving marks. These champs are living proof that it’s just a number, and that there’s plenty of options at your disposal to lock down your dream career.

Keep on keeping on by considering UTS:INSEARCH – the legends there can offer you another way into UTS. You’ll get cracking on a diploma program, and then depending on the course you choose, you can go straight into the second year of a UTS undergraduate degree. Not too shabby, right? There’s plenty of options to choose from, including: business, communication, design + architecture, engineering, IT or science.

Realise #ImNotaNumber and learn more about UTS:INSEARCH by heading HERE

Photo: Legally Blonde.