Hot Cross Buns Are Already On Sale At Woolies & Jesus Christ People Are Mad

By

Published

December 27, 2016

Anyone who’s ever worked in large-scale, big box retail knows that the Christmas period ends on roughly December 23rd at the extreme latest.

That’s when all the decorations start getting packed away, and stores start stocking shelves for the next big seasonal promotion.

It used to be that you’d just parlay straight into Back to School stuff, but some smart cookie realised a few years ago that that’s just one shelf of exercise books and it is boring as shit. So where do you go after that? What’s next on the calendar?

Australia Day? A bit iffy.

Valentine’s Day? Vom.

Easter. Now we’re bloody talking.

But still, some shoppers still working the Christmas turkey through have expressed shock and dismay over walking into Woolies on Boxing Day and being assaulted by the clear affront to morality that is Hot Cross Buns: on shelf, and on sale, on December 26th, a full three-and-a-half months before Good Friday 2017.

The opinion? It has been split. On the one hand there are the normal and smart people who recognise the fact that the baked goods are delicious and eating them is enjoyable and that narrow non-secular religious doctrine should not dictate when their consumption is permissible.

But on the other there are the incorrect psychopaths who take their appearance in December to represent the final straw in the fall of society’s moral fabric and who harken back to a simpler, more pure time where buns were available for one week a year and eating them was only allowed if accompanied by profound shame and austere penitence.

Those who fall in the latter categories have taken to social media to lambast Woolworths for having the sheer gall to sell a product that customers like to buy. And boy howdy, are these people ever crabby/fully in the belief that they speak for absolutely everyone.

“TRADITIONAL VALUES.”

Hot cross buns being sold by @woolworths ????This is ridiculous. You guys know it’s still Christmas right?

— Loz13 (@LauraItalia13) December 27, 2016

Time to #Boycott @woolworths and @Targetaus. It is far too early to be selling Easter food. Learn the true meaning of Christmas and Easter

— Bomber Boy (@Bomberboy88) December 27, 2016

Oh get fucked, @woolworths ?? pic.twitter.com/NvdJQisM37

— Liz Actually (@elzxbth) December 26, 2016

Barely a day after celebrating his birth @woolworths remind Jesus where he’s going to end up https://t.co/oocBAcJqwi

— Gareth Williams (@notGareth) December 27, 2016

So apparently @woolworths started selling Hot Cross buns (With Happy easter tags!) ON BOXING DAY.

— Muskie the Otterboi (@muskieratboi) December 26, 2016

@elzxbth @RoyceWilsonAU @woolworths Why don’t they just sell them year round, and be done with it? Why not have Christmas cross buns, …

— Duncan Waldron (@ozalba) December 26, 2016

… Halloween cross buns, Lammas cross buns, Queen’s Birthday cross buns, etc? This clearly isn’t celebrating Easter, just commercialism.

— Duncan Waldron (@ozalba) December 26, 2016

Seriously @woolworths ! Christ was born and your ready to crucify him the next day!? #Christmas https://t.co/sB4X7lGBh4

— Sotiris Cominos (@SoggyTiri) December 26, 2016

The baby cheeses has only just been born, and already @woolworths they’re reminding us he’ll die. Mega downer https://t.co/oOpcVU9PYm

— NothinglikeaDame (@Helodare) December 26, 2016

When will @woolworths learn that we don’t want HOT CROSS BUNS straight after Christmas? Wait til Easter…

— Caleb Weekes (@calebweekes) December 27, 2016

My very important and considered take on the matter?

Hot cross buns… They’re good.