A 31-year-old-Miami man was shot the other day after a police officer came across him attempting to take another man’s face off. Not in the Nicholas Cage elaborate FBI Mission sense… but as in CHEWING FLESH WITH HIS ACTUAL MOUTH. People tend to be separated into two categories upon hearing this news. There’s the ‘oh dear, that is beyond terrible but he was obviously on a lot of drugs or having some kind of severe mental episode’ people and the ‘FUCK YEAH ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE!’ people.
Unless you have been completely desensitised by watching countless Zombie flavoured movies we suggest you don’t Google image search ‘face eating man’ or ‘bro who ate bros face’ or similar. It’s basically supremely fucked up and, upon viewing with friends or colleagues, conversation just spirals downwards into the ‘how hard must he have been chewing!?’ etcetera. But if you must…HERE IT IS you sick fuck.
At the risk of being the ‘Boy Who Cried Zombie’ after lame indications of Zombie takeovers in the past, this time it could really be a thing. A string of other “incidents” in the Miami area are sounding decidedly Romero-esque. It’s spreading past Miami – some guy in New Jersey cut out his own intestines and threw them in the air like he just don’t care.
Going to put it out there and say it’s finally happening guys: the day some of us considered becoming a Biochemist to specifically try and bring about is more than likely here! Meet you at the mall. BYO machete.
Survival tip?
Words by zombie expert and Pedestrian Jobs editor Claire Bracken
