Look, no offence Queensland, but you can get FUUUUUUUHHHCKED.
The senior curator of spiders at the Queensland Museum – which is *literally* the opposite of #jobgoals – has warned people to be on the look-out for redback spiders, because their numbers are on the up. They’re rising. It’s fucking redback fever out there and we are not okay with this AT ALL.
“It appears it’s going to be a bumper year,” Dr Robert Raven told the ABC. “There’s lots of spiders out there and they’re certainly cranking up in number.”
He’s warning every poor soul trapped in south-east Queensland to be careful around public fences, car parks, sporting arenas, bus stops, outdoor furniture, and anywhere they can feasibly put their hands.
He said: “In one case we had a lady who was busily ripping grass out from underneath a fence and she was getting nailed by green ants really hard, and she wasn’t noticing that she was also getting bitten by redbacks. And it was a crescendo of pain – they took her to hospital and she ended up getting seven ampoules of anti-venom.”
And just in case that wasn’t horrifying enough for ya, he let fly this tale of absolute fuckery:
“We had situations where a couple were lying on the bed with their baby between them and a redback fell down onto the pillow between them.”
NOPE FUCKING BYE QUEENSLAND.
Picture: Ian Waldie via Getty Images.