Trump Reckons He’s Copped It Worse Than Abraham Lincoln, The President Who Died

US President Donald Trump recently consented to spending 30 hours with ABC News‘ anchor George Stephanopoulos, telling the reporter about the various injustices and hardships he feels he has faced in the Oval Office. The result of those chats: 14,000 words of drivel, which we have now been left to decipher.

While reading much of it requires entering some kind of semi-conscious trance state, two passages immediately stand out.

The first concerns Trump’s grievances with the mass media, who he claims deliberately misconstrue his words in an attempt to hasten his exit from White House, and his love of tweeting. Take it away, Donald:

TRUMP: Well, it’s– it– how can I communicate like that? I put one out this morning. And as soon as I pressed the button, they said, “We have breaking news.” Every network, every station. “We have breaking news.” They read my tweet. Why is that bad? And when I’m treated badly by the press– and nobody’s ever been treated badly like me. When I’m treated so badly–

STEPHANOPOULOS: You know that every president says that.

TRUMP: I– I disagree. Look, it’s been acknowledged. Although they do say Abraham Lincoln was treated really badly. I must say that’s the one. If you can believe it, Abraham Lincoln was treated supposedly very badly. But nobody’s been treated badly like me. And this way I can fight the dishonest media, the corrupt media, the fake news.

A quick fact check on that one reveals that President Abraham Lincoln inspired such ire in pockets of the electorate that one man, John Wilkes Booth, successfully blew Lincoln’s brains out. Lincoln was literally murdered. Domed him, point-blank. At time of writing, Trump has not been assassinated – and claims of his media assassination are dubious, at best.

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The second most notable aspect of his stream-of-consciousness moaning is the fact that Trump has been briefed on UFOs. While it has long been accepted that the POTUS will be informed of extremely sensitive military secrets, his statements confirm that Trump has explicitly been clued in to recent reports of Navy pilots encountering surreal flying objects:

STEPHANOPOULOS: What do you make of it?

TRUMP: I think it’s probably, uh, I want them to think whatever they think, they do say, I mean, I’ve seen and I’ve read and I’ve heard, and I did have one very brief meeting on it. But people are saying they’re seeing UFO’s, do I believe it? Not particularly.

STEPHANOPOULOS: Do you think you’d know if there were evidence of extraterrestrials?

TRUMP: Well, I think my great pilots– our great pilots would know. And some of them really see things that are a little bit different than in the past, so we’re going to see, but we’ll watch it. You’ll be the first to know.

There you have it: President Donald Trump has been given the latest military intel on UFOs, and he doesn’t “particularly” believe in their existence. More to come.

The entire transcript can, and should, be accessed here. Don’t tell us we didn’t warn you about its lack of narrative cohesion.