If you are (mercifully) not cognisant of who The Dolan Twins are, I have no specific interest in educating you. All you need to know is that they’re a couple of American dudes who made their butter doing skits on Vine, and have continued it on YouTube.
This is what they do:
As with many other starlets who have gone through the Vine content churn machine, they have an absolute bucketload of teenaged fans, who watch all their videos millions of times. They’re like The Beatles, if the Beatles were famous for doing six second videos where they yell a lot.
Well, Grayson and Ethan Dolan were in the UK for the MTV European Music Awards, when they decided – quite innocently – to set up a meet and greet for London fans at Hyde Park. Easy!
LONDON! MEET UP AT HYDE PARK TOMORROW AT 12:30 PM! I wanna see you there!!
— Grayson Dolan (@GraysonDolan) November 11, 2017
As you can see from the numbers on that tweet – replies, likes and retweets – the possible attendance of said meet-and-greet may have reached the point where you might need a smidge of professional organisation and crowd control. It’s clear the lads quickly realised that was the case:
If you are going to the meet up today PLEASE stay calm. I want this to work so we can all have a good time! If Ethan and I can’t take a picture with every person individually we at least want to see you all. But stay calm! No pushing others please. Spread the word ♥️
— Grayson Dolan (@GraysonDolan) November 12, 2017
The quick transition from “Yo, we’re having a meetup!” to “We would prefer if hundreds of tweens are not trampled to death,” took under 24 hours, which is reasonably impressive. But it wasn’t the only issue with the Hyde Park meetup. Turns out it was Remembrance Day and there was a massive memorial service happening on the other side of the park. Generally the vibe at memorial services is a tad more sombre than a Vine fan meetup.
So the Dolans quickly reversed their plan to show up:
Guys I had no idea there was a memorial in Hyde park today for remembrance day. It’s more important to pay respect than anything right now. I feel horrible.
— Grayson Dolan (@GraysonDolan) November 12, 2017
I don’t think the meet up is going to work today guys
— Grayson Dolan (@GraysonDolan) November 12, 2017
Ethan and I are really sorry. We can’t go to Hyde park but we’re trying to figure something out. We want to see you guys but we don’t want to be disrespectful and most of all we want everyone to be safe.
— Grayson Dolan (@GraysonDolan) November 12, 2017
We really want to meet you all but i would feel so awful and selfish if someone were to get hurt. Everyone’s safety is most important
— Ethan Dolan (@EthanDolan) November 12, 2017
Of course, like your mate who cancels on a few bevs at the pub when you’ve already arrived at the pub, the Dolans truly did not comprehend the staggering logistical fuckup they had just inaugurated. The tweens were already en route. The tweens were already en route.
The absolute scenes on Twitter can only be described as apocalyptic. The sequel to Children of Men is looking absolutely ace, guys:
https://twitter.com/Dolantwins44evr/status/929699223167291392
THE TWINS AREN’T THERE BUT PEOPLE WERE MOBBING THE WHOLE PARK & RUNNING OUTSIDE OF THEIR HOTEL! I KNEW THIS MEET UP WASN’T GOING TO GO WELL! I’M SO GLAD THEY CANCELLED. THE POLICE SHOWED UP AT THE HOTEL & 2 GIRLS ALREADY GOT INJURED & A EARRING RIPPED OUT https://t.co/S4QhTOGoE1
— nads (@thiccafdolan) November 12, 2017
https://twitter.com/Melisaa551/status/929754409562726400
https://twitter.com/Katy_Gray847/status/929694439924228096
Hell on Earth, folks.
