Daniel Andrews Finally Concedes To His Eternal Foe, The Montague St Bridge

Overnight, Victoria’s most malicious piece of vintage engineering was muzzled.

The fabled Montague Street Bridge, the de-roofer of many an oversized vehicle, was fitted with safety gantries to alert oblivious drivers to the danger lurking ahead. Make no mistake, though – the bridge hasn’t lost. It’s merely been contained.

Now, after sticking it to the Federal Government over Safe Schools, and after having the cajones to lead the state in apologising for the past convictions of gay Victorians, Premier Daniel Andrews has been bested.

He called the safety measures what they are – an outright loss at worst, and a bitter, pyrrhic victory at best. 

“It is fearless. It is formidable. It’s seen over 100 battles since 2011. It remains undefeated.

Make no mistake: the Montague Street Bridge is pure evil.

We surrender.

We’re installing protective gantries around the bridge, so trucks and vans will get a very loud and rude warning if they’re too high to pass underneath.

The gantry for the north side of the bridge goes up in a couple of weeks.

And if anyone manages to get stuck under this thing after that, well, I give up.”