That’s it. I’m done. Put me on the Mars One shuttle, I’m finished with this godforsaken planet.
Why? Because today I learned that you can contract foot worms. Parasitic worms that live in your feet, that you can catch from going for an innocent walk on the beach. And they make your feet look like THIS:
This is the foot of Katie Stephens, who along with her boyfriend, Eddie Zytner, went on a lovely holiday to the Dominican Republic.
While they might have had a nice time there, on returning to Canada the couple discovered that they’d brought with them some uninvited guests: cutaneous larva migrans, a.k.a. hookworms. Yep, just like the ones your doggo can get.
Apparently the couple initially thought their red and itchy feet were caused by bug bites, but as they began to swell and blister they recognised that it was quite a lot more serious than mozzies.
Several days after returning from holiday, they went to a hospital, and two days after that they received their diagnosis.
Animal hookworms apparently can’t complete their lifecycle in humans, which means that the couple were never at risk of the worms passing into their bloodstream. But still, those blistery feet are some fucked up shit that makes me want to staple a pair of Dr Martens to my lower legs.
It gets worse, too. Stephens told Buzzfeed that they had to source ivermectin, the medicine that would treat the worms, from the States.
The hospital said our case wasn’t severe enough to receive the medication.
Gigantic blisters on hideously swollen feet? Yeah. Not serious.
Apparently the hookworms are pretty common in tropical locations, and are transmitted thanks to animal poo – yet another reason to pick up after your pooch. Or, if you like, yet another reason to never ever leave your house!
Anyway bye, I’m off to donate my life savings to Elon Musk so he can get me off this rock and into the clean emptiness of space. Goodbye, parasites. Hello, sweet embrace of the void.