How good is beer, though?
Like, when you actually stop for a second to consider how important beer is to our national identity, our culture and our everyday lives it can make you wonder how and why people have gotten so jacked up about a beverage.
That is, until it’s a warm day and you’re bloody thirsty.
Of all the things that are refreshing, beer is by far the most fun. For example, cucumbers are high on the refreshing spectrum, as they basically amount to a cylindrical sack of cucumber flavoured water, but you’re not going to meet your mates on a Saturday afternoon for cucumbers.
If you’re here you either don’t get what the big deal is with beer – in which case you’re either doing it wrong or you and beer are just not meant to be – or you already appreciate beer with your mouth, but what about appreciating it with your mind?
What with Oktoberfest kicking off in a matter of days and with the legends at Bavarian Bier Cafe, Munich Brauhaus and LOWENBRAU on board, it seemed as good a time as any to talk through the many ways in which beer is delicious and much more complex than many people realise.
So, if you’re considering sinking piss any time in the near future, here are a few tips that will hopefully help you find success on your journey:
BUZZWORDS
Using beer buzzwords – otherwise known as, the correct words to describe beer – will both help to ensure you’re getting the most out of your beer experience and that your bartender or bottle-o proprietor will not think you a bell-end.
People can sometimes be dismissive of beer – oh it’s what blokes drink to get their buzz on after a day of work, it’s what you grab from the fridge for your dad – which, firstly #everydaysexism and secondly, we all go through the phase of not necessarily loving the taste but then getting used to it. The best part of beer drinking, though, is when you move past that ‘used to the taste’ phase and come triumphantly through the other side to appreciating the colour variations, knowing your IPAs from your Witbiers and actually really loving the taste.
With this in mind, knowing and appreciating the different characters in beer, which ones you enjoy and where to find them will make tasting that much more delicious.
Obviously this is all a starting point and if you want to legit know what you’re talking about you should definitely go read a book, but let’s start off with the Beer Night and the 7 Types:
Roasted = STOUTS + PORTERS
Sour = DUBBELS + TRIPELS
Hoppy = PALE ALE
Fruity = WITBIER
Crisp = LAGER + PILSNER
Bitter = IMPERIAL STOUT
Smoky = ALE
RECEPTACLE
Is the thing that you drink your beer out of really that important?
Technically yes. But also, in a very real way, no.
Usually you’re going to be at home or at a party and won’t have time to pair your pilsner with a pilsner glass and so, what’s really most important here is that you break it free of its glassy prison. You should always pour your beer into a glass of some kind. It’s about getting the aromas, the same way a wine glass unlocks the sniffs, and can significantly change the way you taste it.
So basically, if you’re basic and don’t know how to drink beer, you’re drinking it out of a bottle. If you’re drinking it out of a can, I mean, at that point there’s really no point expending the energy it would take to pour that swill into anything. With respect, save yourself the effort.
In other news, never put beer bottles on their sides: beer bottles should always be stored upright to prevent the beer from touching the caps.
GETTING HEAD
Sure this could descend into one big smarmy nod to oral s.e.x because, maturity, and who doesn’t love head but NO. Pouring beer correctly is not a joke. It is sexy, though.
When you get the head right, you get the foam and when you get the foam you have expertly trapped molecules of aroma and ~delicious~ that will then release when the bubbles go bust. A veritable flavour adventure.
So, if there’s ONE thing in this life you should perfect, it is how to pour the perfect pint. That, or just always go out and old mate bartender’ll do it.
TEMPERATURE
To quote the poet Victoria Bitter, “A hard earned thirst needs a big cold beer.”
Cold being the operative word.
It’s especially important for lagers and pilsners to be served cold because the way they’re made they’re kept in really cold conditions for a long time which is why they have more subtle flavours. Meanwhile, pretty much every beer should be served cold (but not frosty cold). Ales can be served at room temperature but…
Also, never expose beer to sunlight: it skunks beer.
SNACKS
Not unlike wine you can definitely match your food to your beverage – eg. Witbier’s go well with spicy meals and a square of dark chocolate is molte bene with stouts and porters – and if you’re tasting a number of beers you should cleanse your palate (with water crackers or the like) but overall the best thing about beer is that is great with food [full stop]
BODY
Where is your body whilst drinking?
Will beer taste the same when you drink it smugly sit out in the sun surrounded by your nearest and dearest, as when you sit on the couch alone watching The Simpsons? Technically yes. But also, in a very real way, no.
Beer drinking is all about the social aspect; spending a night hanging out with your friends while you all smash chocolate milk doesn’t quite have the same vibe. Also, cows are hella lazy – how hard is it to squirt milk? – whereas brewers put a lot of effort and years of expert knowledge into crafting their beers.
GUILT FREE
Science continues to find new and interesting ways in which beer aids the human race and is actually really healthy for you ¯_(“~)_/¯
REMEMBER THAT HUMANS HAVE FIVE SENSES
Sight. If you can see the colour you can predict the taste i.e. caramel to dark brown is that colour because of roasted malts.
Hearing. Did you know? When you put a beer up to your ear you can hear the ocean of tiny bubbles that go into making beer taste yummers in your tummy.
Taste. GET IT UP YA.
Smell. Remember, hit that beer. Take a drag and inhale the ~flav~
Touch. Greatness.
Let this serve as a reminder to us Aussies of the greatness that comes around for one month only (or a little longer…) a year. Oktoberfest is on its way and if you’re looking for a way to make the most of the most sacred of festivals head to www.oktoberfest.com.au.
If you want to go in the running to win $5k cash money in the bank and a trip to Melbourne head HERE for ‘The Hunt’.
