The “Melania” conspiracy rumours are back with a vengeance, my friends, and now is as good a time as any to revisit exactly what the hell they are.
In case you, like me, have been intentionally avoiding any and all mention of the Trumps in an effort to cling on to the last remaining scraps of your tattered optimism, the conspiracy goes like this.
All the way back in October 2017, Twitter user @JoeVargas put up a Tweet with video of the President of the United States and his wife – or, as believers will have it, his “wife”.
Melania Trump appeared standing next to her husband, wearing her signature, blown-forward hairstyle, over-glossed lips, and her ever-present enormous sunglasses. In retrospect, it is sort of weird that she was wearing those shades, considering it wasn’t particularly bright outside, and that she’s regularly gone without them during public appearances before.
Vargas certainly thought it was very strange.
“This is not Melania,” he wrote under the video. “To think they would go this far & try & make us think its her on TV is mind blowing. Makes me wonder what else is a lie.“
Let me save you some time from looking it up. It’s not her. pic.twitter.com/IJjHEzWs8p
— Joe Vargas (@JoeVargas) October 18, 2017
Vargas’s observation certainly isn’t discredited by Trump shouting, “My wife, Melania, who happens to be right here” in the slightly panicked tones of a man with no theatre experience being forced to improvise.
The internet being what it is, people immediately picked up the “Melania” conspiracy and ran with it, turning the concept into dozens of jokes, memes, and investigations to varying extents of seriousness.
And then, like most things, the hubbub died down and we all kinda forgot about Fake Melania.
UNTIL NOW.
Images from a March 9 Presidential visit to a memorial for the 23 people killed in the Alabama tornadoes have whipped everyone up into a Fake Melania frenzy once again, and, okay, I’ll give it to ’em – whoever that is does not look a whole lot like the First Lady.
President Trump, First Lady Melania Trump land in West Palm Beach, Florida. pic.twitter.com/eVFaw4wgvg
— The Hill (@thehill) March 8, 2019
https://twitter.com/Redpainter1/status/1104127252671934464
Ok People! Let’s list all the ways #FakeMelania is different than #RealMelania. What the hell—it’s the weekend, we all deserve some downtime.
I’ll go first:
•Chin Shape pic.twitter.com/vl3hDpMx3k— M E L L Y med (@mel_med_larson) March 9, 2019
https://twitter.com/bushwhere/status/1104439668555350017
Her chin is different! Her nostrils are too far apart! She is SHORT all of a sudden! What the heck is going on, @ The Trumps???
My personal favourite theory is that one of Melania’s Secret Service guards is moonlighting as “Melania” when required, in a kind of Keira Knightley/Natalie Portman Padme Amidala swapsies situation.
WELL, damn…#FakeMelania pic.twitter.com/VeakxeAnKP
— Liza Sabater 🇵🇷👸🏾🌹 (@blogdiva) March 9, 2019
https://twitter.com/PaladinCornelia/status/1104435985306214400
And yes, obviously, everyone has the capacity to look wildly different from photo to photo (lighting, makeup, hydration, current level of seething resentment towards one’s spouse – they all play a role). But this version of Fake Melania seems like a pretty good gig for everyone involved. Secret Service agent gets to dress up like the First Lady and hold the President’s hand (gross); Melania gets to go off to, I assume, get a fabulously expensive beauty treatment involving frog blood or something. And we, the people, get to obsessively dissect the distance between the woman’s nostrils in different pictures. Strong choices all round.
