Soulja Boy Is Going To Biff Chris Brown & Floyd Mayweather Is Training Him

You better sit down before reading this because it, ah… it’s a lot to get the head around.

The short version of the yarn is this: Chris Brown, convicted domestic abuser, and Soulja Boy, man who popularised the phrase “YOUUUUUUUUUU,” are going to get in a boxing ring and biff on with each other, in a very real fight that will apparently be broadcast live on pay-per-view. Floyd Mayweather, convicted domestic abuser, is promoting the fight and training Soulja Boy. And 50 Cent is doing the ring around trying to get his rich mates to put money up for the fight.
Confused? Same. But here’s some backstory.
Up until March of 2015, Chris Brown, convicted domestic abuser, was dating actress Karrueche Tran. The relationship lasted right up until the point that Tran found out Brown, convicted domestic abuser, had done the dirty with a model named Nia behind Tran’s back, and that this particular act of rooting had resulted in both Brown, convicted domestic abuser, and Nia contracting a human child.
Tran quite sensationally dumped Brown, convicted domestic abuser, on Twitter, as you bloody well would to be perfectly honest.
So that was back in 2015. Nearly two years ago. Fast forward to recent times, and it would seem that Brown, convicted domestic abuser, is keen to uh… “reconcile” with Tran, because apparently he’s been leaving comments and emojis and the like on her recent Instagram posts.
But who do you reckon has also been doing just that? Ole’ Soulja Boy himself. And Brown, convicted domestic abuser, ain’t happy about it.
Soulja Boy, who may or may not have told ’em, took to Twitter a couple of days ago to claim that Brown, convicted domestic abuser, called him and threatened to bash him for the apparent heinous act of double tapping the Instagram post of someone *he* is trying to tune. Male entitlement, it’s a bloody joy.

Editor’s note: Indeed.

My godd.

Enter: Floyd Mayweather, convicted domestic abuser. The retired boxer’s promotion unit TMT stepped in and offered to set the fight up as a legit spectacle. 3 rounds. In Las Vegas. Live on PPV. Both Soulja Boy and Brown, convicted domestic abuser, have apparently accepted. And now we have this:

There’s no date set on the fight, but we do know that Mayweather, convicted domestic abuser, is training Soulja Boy, who further stoked flames of the feud by briefly posting a since-deleted Instagram post invoking Brown’s daughter, which the convicted domestic abuser snapped back at because fair enough, that’s absolutely crossing a line.

IM NOT PLAYING! Krossed da line…… We gone push this fight UP!!! I promise you are regret this for the rest of ya life

A video posted by 1 YOU ?? 2 HATE (@chrisbrownofficial) on

And if all this brouhaha wasn’t enough of a fever dream as is, 50 Cent is doing the ringaround to get fellow very rich hip hop stars to put big money on the fight, confirming as much in an Instagram video where he pretends to be having a conversation with friends whilst simultaneously monologuing to his own phone.

Does that parse for any of you? Good grief.
2017 is barely a week old and it’s already a wild, wild ride.

Source: Uproxx.
Photo: Floyd Mayweather/Instagram.