So the Coachella lineup has finally dropped in full, sending some of you scrambling to your credit cards and others lamenting the great cross-global festival trek that could’ve been. This year’s lineup obviously has it’s perks (Ariana Grande in the damned desert and Australia’s very own Tame Impala as one of the headliners, for god’s sake), but quite obviously it’s not going to please everyone.
[jwplayer vYGubxpv]
To that end, people on ye olde internet have since taken it upon themselves to eschew the usual lineup-related whinging and instead craft their own fantasy-booked lineups via the majesty of Photoshop.
The whole shebang kicked off when Twitter user Jill Gutowitz posted her dream lineup for the festival which features, among other things, “Emma Roberts saying ‘surprise, bitch’” and “The Olson Twins smoking cigarettes.”
wait wtf should i go to coachella this year pic.twitter.com/GjQMdDoKI0
— Jill Gutowitz (@jillboard) January 3, 2019
Fair play to it, Brie Larson Punching Me In The Face is an absolute must-see, and there’s gonna be some real consternation if Men Apologising and Rooney Mara In A Hat clash on the Sunday timetable.
Following that, we got this incredibly Disney Channel Circa 2009 lineup, which should send anyone who got within ten feet of a Lizzie McGuire episode in their early teens into a fit.
Fix your lineup, @Coachella. Give the people what they deserve. pic.twitter.com/aR7GXuKICn
— Nicholas Hollywood 👑 (@CultOfHollywood) January 3, 2019
Baha Men and Aaron Carter on the same day fuck me right the hell up.
Then there’s this actually pretty great lineup, which apparently continues this month’s running theme of stanning the kids from Bird Box at any and all opportunities.
This Coachella lineup 😍😍😍😍 pic.twitter.com/PDLjQyqe6v
— Justin (@jubtrumpo) January 3, 2019
This one, which employs a healthy amount of necromancy and subversion of the US judicial system.
Now THIS is a Coachella lineup I can get behind 💯 pic.twitter.com/65HZZTggNQ
— Fangs.Up (@realFangsUp) January 3, 2019
This one, which we’re absolutely fucking furious doesn’t exist.
this years lineup is incredible 🌴@coachella pic.twitter.com/3DawEUCR5r
— Daniel Preda (@MisterPreda) January 3, 2019
And this one, which appears to be pure gibberish.
https://twitter.com/chaewonfenty/status/1080916792887791617
Hell, even HQ Trivia got into the game by finally finding an appropriate outlet for the laundry list of pun names Scott Rogowsky has given himself over the past year or so.
Wow the new #Coachella lineup looks great pic.twitter.com/7fLT9EAnUH
— HQ Trivia (@hqtrivia) January 3, 2019
All of them, however, pale in comparison to the one true King of fake Coachella lineups, this badboy:
I don’t get why everyone is complaining about the Coachella lineup? It’s actually good. pic.twitter.com/B4HXl1T8YQ
— Stage Banter Guy Fieri (@TweeterReprise) January 3, 2019
The only Coachella lineup that actually makes any sense. The King of Kings. One stage. Three days. Guy Fieri taking you directly to Flavortown.
The perfect festival.
