Calvin Harris Threatens To Sue Over Reports Of ‘Happy Ending’ Massage

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October 12, 2015

It’s typical that when a beloved celebrity couple breaks up to declare that “love is dead” (see: Ben Affleck and Jennifer Gardner), but in this case, love really is dead and what is the point of anything, because the musical power couple that is Taylor Swift and Calvin Harris is apparently no more.

:'(

Swan goals.

A photo posted by Taylor Swift (@taylorswift) on Jun 10, 2015 at 3:25pm PDT

Why?

Radar reports that the couple have broken up due to old mate’s *alleged* trip to a Thai massage parlour, where he may or may not have received a happy ending.

(Full disclosure: there is no proof that this massage was sexual. A ‘source close to Calvin‘ said his regular masseuse was sick, and he needed his shoulder looking at. A ‘source close to Taylor‘ says this is “bullshit“.)

Here’s one of the ‘incriminating’ photos, also published by Radar:

Unfortunately, this split might just be legit; at the time of writing, neither of them have tweeted anything to counter the rumours, but Calvin tweeted a threat to legally bitchslap any publication writing ‘TAYLOR AND CALVIN BROKE UP BECAUSE HE GOT A HAPPY ENDING‘ stories.

It’s not going to be a ‘happy ending’ for everyone I sue for defamation of character for all these bullshit stories bye bye

— Calvin Harris (@CalvinHarris) October 12, 2015