By now, you’d have to be living under a rock if your eyeballs haven’t been accosted by those Tesalate sand-repelling beach towels.

I remember seeing ads for the beach towels a year or so ago, and thought “why the fuck would I need a towel that a) looks awful and thin and b) repels sand?” My general attitude towards beach towels were this: they are a thing my aunt buys me for Christmas, and I already have too many.

Naturally, I got my Tesalate towel FOR Christmas. Initially I was like ugh, fine, I’ll give it a go simply because the other beach towels were all packed away and annoying to get out. God damn, am I stoked with my decision.

Friends, I’m a Tesalate convert. I have become a born-again Tesalate towel fanatic. I cannot stop going on about the stupid thing.

My general beach visit goes like this. I head down. I whip out the towel. Someone in the group says “is that one of those sand repelling beach towels?” which leads to the long-winded monologue they absolutely did not ask for from yours truly. Yes, it is. Yes, it’s amazing for these reasons that will taken me fifteen minutes to explain to you.

Since everyone asks me about the bloody towel, I figured I’d do a full run through of my usual sermon, except on this website.

Just before I launch into the many reasons I love my new towel, there is ONE flaw. The length of the thing. I love a giant towel, ok? I want it to basically cover the beach entirely. And the single Tesalate towel (they also do a duo one, but it’s the same length just double the width) is a bit short. Like it comes to my mid-calf. Which is annoying.

I also want to warn you that if you don’t like a thin towel – vibes of Turkish towels – you won’t like Tesalate. It’s thicker than a Turkish towel and doesn’t get as soggy, but it’s not fluffy. I hate fluffy towels though.

There’s plenty to love, as you can see.

1. The Sand-Repelling Thing

So yes, the Tesalate towel actually DOES repel the sand – kind of. You can basically give it a quick shake and 90% of the sand whips off, which is a god send if you have a dog with you at the beach and she likes to run onto your towel every five minutes.

Some particles stick. Maybe this is because I’ve been going to the beach after rainy periods and there’s some wet sand, idk. But I do find it’s not a miracle no-sand affair.

Still, compared to a normal beach towel it’s a huge plus.

2. They Dry You Off Real Good

Something I’m LOVING about the beach towel is how quickly it’ll dry me off. Say you wanna go from the pool to indoors, and you’re at your mum’s place and she’s like “not until you fucking dry off, I don’t want puddles all over my floor, you’ll ruin the wood flooring blah blah blah” – this is a towel that’ll actually dry you quick smart.

Someone I was with compared it to a ShamWOW, you know those shammy things that you’re meant to dry your car with? It’s not that rubbery, but has a similar vibe to it.

I’ve even dried my hair off with it a few times and it absorbs salt water out quite well.

3. They Dry Off Quickly

Another annoying thing with beach towels is how you go from the surf to sunbake, back to the surf, and back to sunbaking – and over time your butt makes this awful damp patch that’s really unpleasant to return to.

It’s not that you don’t get this with the Tesalate towel – you do, and it’s worse – but when I stuck my towel in direct sunlight for my next swim, the patch just disappeared. I had a dry towel again! Jesus level miracle!

4. They Fold Up Super Small

Something I always hated about beach towels was how you had to throw one over your shoulder because it didn’t fit in your beach bag, and then you’d forget it in the car, and have to traipse back over the hot asphalt to get it, and burn your tootsies… annoying.

The Tesalate towel folds up all small, and fit in my tiny tote – I don’t have a giant beach bag is what I’m saying, so if you’re the same you too can fit your towel in, AND that giant novel you keep saying you’ll read and instead you end up on your phone all day instead.

Anyway, I’m not telling you to buy one (and this is hundooooo not an ad, if it was I wouldn’t be allowed to say fuck so much) but I’m enjoying mine and have had about 450 questions about it just on my holiday alone, so figured it was worth a review. Buy it! Or don’t! I don’t give a shit!