I can’t speak for you, but I have never thought to myself, ‘I wish my entire kitchen had the design aesthetic of my nanna’s ceramics, but with the luxe price tag of a Smeg fitout.’

Never in my life.

Sometimes I daydream about having pastel-coloured cupboards or wonder about what it would be like to not have a kitchen at all and to become a BBQ bitch.

I also never think about the luxury fashion brand Dolce & Gabbana, except when I’m pantomiming as Fergie in My Humps.

But now the powerful forces of Dolce & Gabbana and Smeg – the makers of a new fridge Choice recently dubbed the ‘worst ever’ – have combined to make this wild-ass kitchen set. 

Look at this unholy eyesore/piece of art, depending on your perspective:

Image: Smeg Dolce & Gabbana 

We’re in fkn Sicily baby!!!!!!!!

(I actually kinda love the gauche fruits on the fridge, that’s a vibe.)

For just $20,000 you could have the complete limited edition ‘Divina Cucina’ set and really freshen up your sharehouse.

A metallic-toned fridge? BORING. A white fridge? THE WORST. What you really need is a very expensive orange, red and yellow fridge.

I’m writing in capitals because colours like red evokes an intense physical and emotional reaction, which may or may not be something you want in the room in which you wield knives.

The Smeg Dolce & Gabbana rangehood is $5K, the FAB28 fridge (not the “worst fridge ever” thankfully) is $10K, and the freestanding cooker is $15K.

That together is significantly more than I pay in rent a year, and I thought my rent was quite high. It’s even expensive for Smeg itself, because it’s luxury farshurn!!!

As with all luxury products, if you don’t like it, it’s your fault for having bad taste.

Dolce & Gabbana and Smeg have apparently been working together since 2016 to make household abominations, including similarly fruit-patterned, exorbitantly expensive appliances, like a $1799 espresso machine, $899 citrus juicer, $899 kettle and a $999 toaster. They’re made in Italy!

A thousand dollars on a toaster, or you could spend $25 at Kmart. You decide.

Their first collaboration featured 100 limited edition refrigerators hand-painted by six artists with medieval knights and battle scenes and angels and shit, and that’s actually cool as hell. A fridge designed for an art gallery.

You can get this new collab range from wherever you get your Smeg gear, if you’re made of money and are overdue for a colour-induced meltdown.