In bad news for tradies, eshays and sleep-deprived uni students everywhere, drinking copious amounts of energy drinks can actually accelerate male-pattern baldness. Suddenly Monster selling hats makes sense.

A study by Tsinghua University in Beijing published the findings in a peer-reviewed journal called NutrientsWhich I will be sending to every single man in my life, stat.

As part of the study, scientists surveyed a group of 1,000 men aged between 18 and 45 who were required to drink one to three litres of high-sugar beverages like energy drinks, soft drinks and cordial every week for a period of four months.

After the study was completed, it was found that the men who consumed more than one of the sweet drinks a day were 42 per cent more likely to experience hair loss, compared to men who weren’t consuming drinks high in caffeine and sugar.

The study also revealed men who eat more fast food and fewer veggies lost hair at a faster rate, and anxiety also contributed to hair loss.

“Hair follicle cells are the second fastest dividing cells in the body and require all the nutrients of a well-balanced healthy diet,” dermatologist Dr Sharon Wong told The Sun in regards to the study.

“This includes lean proteins, good carbohydrates and fats, vitamins and minerals, but there is no one superfood for hair.

“As hair is not an essential structure for survival, the body does not prioritise the use of nutrients for hair growth.”

So, why single out energy drinks, you ask?

Some of the factors that cause baldness are stress, anxiety and loss of sleep: AKA things that can be caused by energy drinks, since they not only have lots of sugar but heaps of caffeine to.

Basically, energy drinks are not the only drinks that can contribute to hair loss, but they’re certainly a cocktail of multiple factors that are bad for your fading noggin.

I must confess: I am, in fact, not fond of energy drinks myself, so this news vindicates me.

There’s just no way in hell regularly drinking a fkn neon-coloured drink that amps up your heart rate and fills you with sugar is good for you.

I feel like if I fell into a vat of Red Bull, I’d sprout an extra limb. Or maybe it would function like toxic waste in comics that gives you super powers. Wings, dare I say? They’ve been warning us this whole time!

Brb, falling down a rabbit hole as we speak.