New Year’s Eve will be here in two shakes of a lamb’s tail and if you’re planning on getting litty it is my job, nay duty, to inform you that a pharmacist has taken to TikTok to share her “100 per cent effective” hangover cure.
We’re not talking about a Berocca and mountains of greasy food that will probably just make you feel like a piece of shit. This is pure, hard science, folks.
Ariana (@thewellnesspharm) is the pharmacist who thinks they’ve cracked the hangover code once and for all with a concoction of vitamins, supplements and fluids that’s so good, it’s actually used in hospitals.
“The single-handedly most effective way at getting rid of an alcohol hangover is doing something that I like to call ‘the oral banana bag,’” she said.
“The banana bag is an IV fluid that is used in hospitals for patients who are going through alcohol withdrawal.
“It prevents them from dehydration and helps them replenish those electrolytes and vitamins they are so desperately missing.”
If you want to give this bag that’s actually good for you a whirl, Ariana said the first thing to do is take a vitamin B complex. This bad boy includes vitamin B1, which is thiamine, and vitamin B2, which is riboflavin.
“This is super important because it’s going to convert your food into cellular energy,” she said.
“It also just helps support your cellular functioning, and it’s actually what gives the name ‘banana bag’ the banana bag, because the vitamin B2 turns the fluid very yellow.”
This also means your piss will be lurid yellow, so don’t be alarmed if you take a slash and your piddle looks radioactive.
The next thing to do is take a folic acid supplement, which Ariana said helps keep your DNA safe from bad shit, such as a fucktonne of tequila.
“When you supplement with folic acid, it helps protect your nerve cells and your brain functioning, thus helping you get through that hangover quickly,” she said.
After that you’ll want to get some magnesium into you. Ariana said this will work to “relax your muscles and help with the regulation of your neurotransmitters”.
If none of that made sense, basically, neurotransmitters are like wee chemical messengers which relay information from one cell to another cell. They regulate stuff such as your mood, appetite, digestion, sleep, breathing, heart rate and more, and when you get on the piss it can send these functions into a tizzy.
I don’t know about you but after a few vinos I can’t sleep because my brain is like the corporeal equivalent of Macca’s static-heavy Sprite, so this all checks out.
For the magnesium connoisseurs among us, Ariana reckons either magnesium glycinate or magnesium threonate will do the job. For the rest of you, whatever the chemist has on special will be simply divine.
Finally, you’ll want to get on your H20: Just Add Water shit and down heaps of the clear nectar.
“You want to drink a lot of water and maybe even use an electrolyte packet,” Ariana said.
“If you don’t have an electrolyte packet on hand, a really simple life hack is just to sprinkle some Himalayan salt in there and that way you can get those electrolytes, as well.”
@thewellnesspharm Replying to @canceoss How to cure a hangover fast! #hangovercure #howtocureahangover #wellnesstok #hangoverhack ♬ original sound – thewellnesspharm
Ariana said she’s recommended this hangover cure to loads of folks and every single one of them told her it worked like a charm.
“I haven’t met anyone actually who it hasn’t worked on,” she said. A truly stunning claim, if I’m being frank.
If you’re keen to give the oral banana bag a go, you better toddle on down to the chemist now and grab the required vitamins and supplements. I know I’ll be stocking up so I can bid adieu to the dastardly hoon tomb.