OH MY FUCKING…. WOWSERS, GUYS.
You think Love Island Australia has gotten borza and nothing of worth is gonna happen, and then BAM! Sunday we got fisticuffs at dawn between Eden and Grant, now we have Cassidy pulling the ultimate Lord move of choosing Grant bc she had the shits with him. Outstanding bullshit, absolutely here for it, thank you universe and also Channel Nine.
Last night’s ep opened with some boring nothing fallout from new guy (I honestly care so little for him and foresee him going no further than Thursday’s episode, so I refuse to learn his name the end) choosing to go on his first date with Erin. Eden’s pissed bc he is a neanderthal whose only emotional response is irrational anger.
New Guy backs the fuck away from Erin and moves on to Mac. The pair have the worst convo in the history of convos, complete with terrible, weakly delivered jokes about “Friend Island”.
Meanwhile Cassidy loses her shit over Millie swimming in the pool with Dom. Please know that this is the level of intimacy of said pool swim.
In fairness, Millie IS being snakey – she uses her time with Dom to plant the seed of “I’d pick you on a friendship basis if you’re keen”. Millie needs a partner now so… you’d best believe she’s gonna throw “Girl Code” out the window and take Dom for herself, if she can. It’s suss as shit but the part Cassidy saw was tame as all hell and they weren’t even speaking to each other at that point sooooo.
Then it’s morning and Eden tries to tell Erin that his behaviour with New Guy wasn’t “jealousy” it was “protective”. Yes you absolutely need to protect your girlfriend from a casual chat with New Guy in front of 40 cameras. Ughhhhh.
Then Dom has a heart-to-heart with Grant about how Cassidy’s too intense about their coupling, and Grant is fucking loving it sick. I have no idea why he froths Cassidy getting her heart pummelled given HE fucked HER over, but here we bloody are. In case you haven’t noticed I really fucking hate Grant. He ends the convo with the statement “dangerous, man. She’s dangerous”. DEAR GRANT YOU’RE THE WORST BYE.
New Guy gets the worst fucking date ever – it’s literally a picnic on the floor near the pool. He chooses Mac and Francoise and honestly, there is zero chemistry with both of them.
Finally, shit gets good. Infuriating, but real good.
Cassidy gets wind via Eden that Grant’s been in Dom’s ear, telling him about how Cassidy’s been crying in the bedroom over him in the pool with Millie. She loses it, and pulls him into the bedroom for a chat. Look at this power move from her, honestly.
Just perched on the bed all relaxed and shit. She lets him have it – how dare you get involved in my burgeoning relationship, why are you interfering, fuck off etc. It’s a wonderful moment. Grant of course goes straight to gaslighting – I didn’t say anything, I don’t know what you’re talking about, blah blah fucking blah GOD I hate this GUYYYY.
It all goes to shit for Cassidy – Grant leaves the chat fuming, goes straight to Dom saying shit with the undertone of “lol Cassidy’s crazy good luck to ya” which is just sooooooo assholey and HOW IS ANYONE REMOTELY INTO THIS AWFUL MAN.
It sets an intense tone for Cass with a dude who already was undecided about her, so Dom basically says he’s into Millie. Cassidy breaks down bc everything’s turned to shit and there’s no one left for her to recouple with.
Meanwhile, Erin fury-eating grapes is my 24/7 mood now.
Cass isn’t perfect in all this bullshit though – Millie pulls her aside for a chat and when Cass argues that she’s a shit for telling Dom she wanted to couple up with him at the ceremony, Millie hits back with “when did you tell Tash you wanted to couple up with Josh?”. BOOM!
Except then Millie has to go be a shit and bitch to Tayla about how she’ll “do what she wants” and who gives a fuck. Errrr I think you would absolutely care if someone decided the day of re-coupling to pick a dude you really needed to pick, beb. ANYWAY! I’m exhausted!
Here’s the best bit. Cassidy comes up with an evil genius plan of the highest order. What if she… picked GRANT?
RE-COUPLING CEREMONY OF THE CENTURY! New Guy picks Mac (snooze). Millie ofc picks Dom, then sits with this terrifying faux smile on her face like if she smiles hard enough, Cassidy won’t suffocate her in her sleep later.
Francoise picks Josh. Then it’s Cassidy’s turn and hoooo boy her face is like the Snow White Wicked Queen, just ice cold and glancing at Grant, like I will fuck you UP you piece of shit.
Millie’s probs relieved because if anyone’s getting smothered in their sleep, it’s Cassidy c/o Tayla.
Sophie Monk’s eye-roll at Tayla making a pointed “there’s SNAKES in the house now” comment, everybody.
Tayla couples up with Jax since it’s between him and Eden, and then bizarrely decides she’s off Grant within seconds because he “hasn’t touched me”. What? Shit JUST went down beb like stay calm. Wild stuff, guys.
Erin and Eden couple up and no one cares bc shit is flying at fans all over. Grant and Tayla get over their weird vibes and seem to think Cassidy’s done what she did to break them up. Lololol guys she’s just fucking with Grant!
She also couuuuuldn’t give a flying fuck.
Aaaaand that’s it. Tonight’ll be a doozy and look – I hated Cassidy for a bit there bc she DID fuck Josh over and has no leg to stand on with the Millie/Dom shit – but Grant’s way more of a douche canoe so right now, Team Cass over here.
