Look, I know a mere week ago I was throwing shit on Cassidy for being a snakey snakerson re: her behaviour with Josh. And it WAS shit that she swooped in and got Tash booted by faking feelings. However! This is Love Island. Every DAY we can be manipulated into thinking someone else is a dick! That’s the name of the game, babey! Also – no one is worse than Grant on this show, so I will happily and blindly forgive anyone if they go after him, Ok? Ok.
Last night’s ep opened with Cassidy asking her Lord And Saviour, Erin, what she should do about the fact that Tayla‘s absolutely planning to push her off a Mallorca cliff-face. I’m loving Erin being the evil demon behind Cassidy, just coaxing her into some crazy shit for fun. I mean that – these two are the only people spicing things up in this place.
Everything has turned extremely high school (lol it was already high school) with the islanders now in two camps. The cool ones:
And the losers:
Like sorry but who would you want to hang out with? Borza Grant and Tayla with a side-serving of beige Millie, Jax and Dom, or zesty Erin and her henchmen? PLEASE.
As I have said from the get-go, Cassidy isn’t perfect (Erin is, though) – she cooks it by throwing shit on Millie, telling Dom “Millie’s more into it than you know”. BE COOL, CASSIDY. YOU JUST DID A FUCKING COOL THING, DON’T LOSE IT NOW.
Tayla and Grant move their bed outside, which everyone seems to feel is the pinnacle of strong love but errrrr… wouldn’t a stable relationship mean you can bunk in with some pal for 3 days and not see your relationship implode? Good lord, this show.
Meanwhile, Jax squeezing his blackheads in the mirror is a mood.
In the morning, Tayla and Grant can’t stop crowing on about how well they slept outside with the mozzies and homeless animals.
They then have the most delusional convo about how everyone in the villa is jealous of them, bc they’re such a strong couple.
It reaches peak insanity when Grant says, I shit you not, “the thing is babe, in the outside world this is pretty normal for me. A lot of people look at me and go “what the fuck does he have that I don’t have”, you know?” IS THIS GUY. FOR. REAL. Surely he’s shitting us.
Things reach peak-tension when the girls use the powder room together. It’s basically a whole lot of catty barbs and stink-eye.
Please note that the barbs are insanely shit.
Look as someone who was bullied as a kid in school and therefore freaks out at pass-agg bitchy shit, this entire scene gave me clammy hands. Tayla and Millie were 100/10 being bullies.
Then all the islanders are made to do couples yoga, which basically involves everyone almost flashing their dicks/vagines.
It also involves Cassidy and Grant having a *LE GASP* good time together.
Which means Tayla is NOT HAVING IT.
Tayla beb, you need to eat several chill pills immediately bc Grant was having like, 20% fun during that challenge and none of it was the sexy-times fun you’ve somehow decided was going on.
Anyway can I ask – where do these girls get their togs from bc I need some. It is a miracle of life no one flashed their flaps in this challenge, and I’m putting it down to epic swimwear.
Anyway it was a good bloody time… until Grant had to go be the dickface poohead he is, and start telling the villa that, in fact, he WASN’T having a good time and that Cassidy was being all “get close to me, get close to me”. Which we all saw was not the case. So Grant you’re just embarrassing yourself at this point my friend.
THEN, Josh and Jaxon score dates with the two new girls – Amelia and Shelby. They’re both a) extremely hot and b) fun, so I feel like two boring people (ahem, Francoise/Millie) will be getting booted in mere days, folks. I feel it in my loins.
Also how tan are these people getting. SUNSCREEN. USE IT. DO NOT END UP LIKE JARROD FROM BACHIE.
New mood – Josh sitting with his legs as far apart as possible.
The foursome then go on what has to be the most awkward date in history – two couples walking side-by-side behind one another, but slow enough for the cameras to follow them easily.
As per ALWAYS, the conversations are dull as shit and revolve entirely around “it’s so nice to spend time with you” and “I can’t believe you’re single”.
Straight up if I went on a date this beige, I think my brain would have putrefied and I’d be dead RIP bye.
When they get back to the villa, Jaxon tells us all that he can’t believe how much he’s Shelby’s type because he wears leather and rides a Harley. MY PAL. MY FRIEND. YOU HAVE TAKEN THAT PERSONALITY FROM THE JAXON CHARACTER ON SONS OF ANARCHY AND YOU CANNOT DENY IT.
I will say this though – latest mood: Jaxon saying “shooketh”.
Anyway, Amelia likes everyone and everyone likes Amelia. So that will absolutely end well.
Amelia ends up eating Josh’s face off in Truth/Dare.
And that is literally the end of anything interesting in this episode! MORE TAYLA/GRANT/CASSIDY DRAMA TONIGHT, PLS.
