Love Island Australia was all about FIGHTS FIGHTS FIGHTS last night. Well really it was just about the Grant/Cassidy/Tayla fight, but Tayla got stuck into Grant which was a good time. It is always a good time when someone gets stuck into Grant. Elsewhere, there was a re-coupling with no real surprises, except for the fact that the public are currently voting on who to bin from the villa between Mac and Cassidy! Great! Please boot Mac or I’ll never speak to you again, dear readers.
We open with Shelby and Amelia talking about how they wouldn’t fuck New Guy (he still doesn’t get a name. He’s gone in 2 days for sure, guys. I can feel it in me waters) even if he was the only man left on the planet and they needed to repopulate because otherwise, the ALIENS would take over the world. Have I been spending too much time reading about aliens this week? Maybe. But I stand by my analogy.
Anyway, they do not care for New Guy. They DO care for Jax (Shelby) and Josh (Amelia) and also Dom. Bc everyone seems to like Dom and he is really on track to joining Grant in the garbage pile for me.
Also Amelia needs to sort out her bikini top? I have literally never had a moment where half my boob was falling out of my top and I was like “this is fine, I’m camera ready”.
Jaxon has a chat to ~the lads~ and then to the camera, where he tries to convince us unsuccessfully that he’s actually super chill and “I’m the guy who wears the flannie and the leathers and is chill“. That is like one of those Truth/Truth/Lie things except it’s all a lie BC LET US NOT FORGET JAXON IS LITERALLY PRETENDING TO BE A TV CHARACTER.
On a srs note Jax… be your spicy excited self bb. Don’t dull your sparkle for girls! Someone will LOVE your extreme enthusiasm!
Dom, bc he is THE WOOOORST, is just so fkn confident he will hook up with Millie. He just oozes that “I can get any bitch I want” attitude and I hate that. Guess who you couldn’t get, Dom? ME. Also, Gigi Hadid, probably. Also, like anyone outside of the house if you keep that attitude up bc life is not like the Love Island villa. So stop being the worst, Dom. Also shut up with your face.
To be fair, Millie is extremely into him and it’s extremely obvious – even though she keeps delusionally telling us/everyone in her vicinity that she’s “soooo picky” but she’s “opening up a bit”. Honey you are so into Dom you’ve basically extracted an egg from your ovary to sneakily shove up his willy in the hopes that it’ll get impregnated. That makes no medical sense but you know what I mean.
But do not get me wrong, Dom sucks. He later asks Millie if he can “sleep naked” (absolutely not) and ends up just showing her his… ass. Why.
Let’s talk about FUN STUFF. Like how my most despised/”everyone’s jealous of us babe” couple Grant and Tayla, are still having to sleep outside like this:
And then wake up grumpy like this:
Lol, guys.
Josh and Jax have a convo about Amelia and Shelby, and Josh’s brilliant idea for Jaxon to win over Shelby is… for Jaxon to wear his leather jacket, in the 400C Mallorca heat, to the next re-coupling to “surprise” Shelby. Good fkn lord.
He then has a completely not-chill convo with Shelby where he refers to himself as the “mediator between us”. That doesn’t even make a small iota of sense.
Side note, I know I’m weirdly obsessed with everyone’s bikinis in this episode but what the fucking shit is with Shelby’s bikini straps? Why are they attached like handbag handles?
Can we place bets on what disease Dom and Josh are going to get from this filthtown sewer water?
While Josh is slowly dying of hot tub-borne diseases, New Guy makes a very painful attempt at chatting up Amelia.
There’s a “Mr Love Island” comp that’s like, whatever. It’s pretty boring.
Okay one thing happens that we have to discuss or the rest of this episode won’t make sense. Grant decides it’s a brilliant idea to make a “peace speech” where he apologises to Cassidy, he for some reason thinks this is funny. Tayla does not and has the epic shits at him.
Meanwhile, New Guy’s a mood in these:
Grant and Tayla start fighting about how Grant’s keen to apologise to Cassidy but doesn’t seem to GAF about Tayla’s feelings. It’s one of those dumb couple fights where no one really has a strong point and everyone’s yelling about nothing.
Then there’s the announcement that a re-coupling’s on the horizon. It’s basically Amelia and Shelby doing this super fake “aaaagh who will I chooooose so many optionnnns” when it’s pretty clear Amelia’s keen on Josh and Shelby wants Jaxon.
Grant and Tayla make up, after Tayla reveals her fear of being left single if Shelby couples up with Jax. It’s actually really cute and nice and OH MY GOD how have I become this invested. I HATE these guys! But it’s… really cute.
RE-COUPLING!
Shelby picks Jax. He wore his leather.
Amelia picks Josh. Der.
Then it’s actually the GUYS picking the GIRLS, which means Tayla’s safe – Grant obv picks her. Eden picks Erin, and then Dom picks Millie and New Guy picks Francoise. This means Mac and Cassidy – NOT SAFE.
The decision on who gets dumped is being decided by US (Australia) as we speak. I for one hope Cassidy stays since she’s actually bringing some drama, which is the only reason I watch this show religiously five nights a week.
