Well then, if that episode wasn’t the most cooked shit ever I don’t know what is. In short, Charlie done-did fucked himself over by going full-unhinged in the space of 60 seconds… over multiple one-on-one dates. Usually, we cop just a little smear of Unhinged Charlie as he storms around the mansion to pull a tanty but tonight? HOO BOY, we saw at least 80 per cent of it and it was terrible.

For the full recap of that insane episode, aggressively click on the below.

On Charlie’s hometown date, he decides to take Ali to Coogee beach – nice, romantic, playful date – everything is as normal as it can be. BUT, there’s foreshadowing going on and by foreshadowing I mean Charlie telling the bloody camera that a ginormous pile of shit is about to hit the fan.

In Charlie’s words, everything is not as “peachy creamy” as it looks so he cancels – literally cancels – their hometown dinner date with his aunts and cousins. Look, if it was anybody else I could sort of get it – you’re not ready for that sort of commitment, you don’t want your family on TV etc. WHATEVER but Charlie did not use either of these as an excuse.

Instead, he decides to be brutally honest.

“I just feel we need to be exclusive,” he says on a dating show with three other men.

RUN, ALI RUN.  

Charlie then proceeds to tell Ali how she’s supposed to be feeling and that, if she does not open her eyes, she’s going to make the same mistake. So, Charlie continues to tell Ali to “do what you do best and think about it”. 

LITERALLY:

Ali, shooKETH, stands up and kind of just stares unblinkingly into the open which I perceive as a sign to producers to get her the hell out of there. And that’s it, the date ends and we go to the ad break.

Does it get worse? Yes, yes it does.

At the Cocktail Party when Charlie and Ali reunite, presumably after Ali has given this all a really big hard thinker, Charlie accuses Ali of being “unfaithful” in the real world even though… we are not in the real world. I am not making this up.

Charlie needs them to be ~exclusive~ to be able to tell her he loves her, he needs her to pick him because he knows they’re great together, he knows they have a chance on the outside world, he knows. 

We’ve heard versions of this speech before but the way Charlie is going about it – NOT GOOD.

Why? ‘Cos Charlie’s talking at her, his eyes are wide, he is BEYOND intense, I’m pretty sure he’s about to explode then Ali – completely done with his 50 Shades of Grey fuckery – tells him to LEAVE.

WATCH IT.

Yeah, so Twitter had a lot of thoughts about tonight’s episode for multiple reasons.

Oh my GOD:

It just occurred to me that we haven’t even talked about BILL. This puppet-looking-bloke self-sabotages when he reveals to Ali that his hometown date won’t consist of his family members. Instead, they’ll include his best mates – one of which is a woman named Amy, who he went on a couple of dates with. Yes, his ex-girlfriend. But that’s not all – Ali’s not just meeting Amy, she’s going to her bloody house for dinner because Amy is playing host.

This sums it up:

Also, @ Amy.

Image: Network Ten