Professional singer and alleged thespian Harry Styles turned down the role of Prince Eric in the live-action remake of The Little Mermaid because it involved too much singing.
From walking around Sydney’s Bronte Beach in a hoodie on a 38C day to kissing like a horny 14-year-old boy desperate to experience the visceral thrill of a human orgasm, the man will never cease to amaze me. I despise him yet I cannot look away.
The Little Mermaid director Rob Marshall told Entertainment Weekly he met with Styles and he was a bit ov an orright geezer.
“We met with him. He was lovely. What a wonderful guy,” Marshall said. Not quite “orright geezer” but let me have a bit of artistic license, thanks.
“But at the end of the day, he really felt like he wanted to go off and do the movies that he ended up doing, which were sort of darker.
Me at the theater for Little Mermaid pic.twitter.com/9bOr8Xx7Vp
— THIQUE (@ScottieBeam) September 10, 2022
“For a lot of young musical people like Harry, you’re trying to carve your way and you don’t wanna be seen as a singer, necessarily.
“That’s why he was really looking to do something not in the musical genre, to really stretch himself.”
The films Styles ended up starring in were certainly darker, so he’s not wrong. There was Don’t Worry Darling with Florence Pugh, Chris Pine, #SpitGate and so on and so forth, plus My Policeman with David Dawson, Emma Corrin and “bum bum” (but no “peen”).
The role of Prince Eric ended up going to Jonah Hauer-King, who has cut his acting chops in productions such as Little Women and A Dog’s Way Home, the latter of which I refuse to learn anything about because I know I’ll start crying.
As we know, the stunningly beautiful Halle Bailey landed the role of Ariel — a casting choice that racist fucks had a sook about because she is Black and apparently that’s not “realistic” for mermaids, which are mythical creatures. Die mad, I say!
Rather than dwelling on such foul idiocy, however, might I remind you that after Disney released the initial trailer for the film last year, mums started sharing videos of their young Black daughters reacting to seeing Ariel as a person of colour. I cried when I first saw the videos, and I just started bawling after watching them again. If anyone has ever wondered why representation matters in pop culture and film, please see exhibit A.
The Little Mermaid sans Harry Styles will be hitting Australian cinemas on May 25, 2023.
