Harry Styles, a man who will never not give me the ick, was spotted at Sydney’s Bronte Beach wearing a thick as shit hoodie on a 38C day.
Simply writing that sentence made me feel like I was about to pass out from heatstroke. I need someone to check on that man’s hypothalamus immediately.
TikToker Hayley (@hevansss) captured the deeply unsettling footage of Styles at the beach, grey fleece hoodie and all, simply standing in one place like an NPC and staring at something in the distance.
@hevansss Harry admiring bronte beach after a swim #harrystyles #harrystylessydney #hsauslot #harrystylesaustralia #brontebeach
My boss, Josephine Rozenberg-Clarke, said it was giving this:
She did not lie.
Hayley said she recorded the video on Monday morning and, as many a Sydneysider would know, this was a particularly schvitzy day. Ol’ mate mercury reached 40C in some areas and most of the city experienced temperatures around 38C, making it the hottest day Sydney has copped in two years.
Now, I don’t know about you, but when it gets so hot that I have to wipe away my underboob sweat lest it starts dribbling down my stomach, the last piece of clothing I want to don is a hoodie. Make it make sense.
My mate and colleague Abbey Holden raised a valid point that he may have gone winter mode to conceal his tattoos so he wouldn’t be recognised as easily.
Completely understandable. What makes less sense, however, is the choice of a hoodie when there is a plethora of long-sleeved options at his disposal; a linen shirt, a cotton tee. I would even accept one of those Minion-print hybrid towel hoodies which children wear.
But with God as my witness, I refuse to get around a hoodie. No siree, Mr Styles!
I simply cannot inhabit the mental space of any human being who thinks hoodies are normal beachwear. Perchance Harry Styles wanted to understand what his brave Perth fans endured when they lined up outside HBF Park for hours when it was 37C.
We just don’t know.
