You may recall the time Neighbours villain Paul Robinson got a brain tumour and it made him mellow out into a nice guy, like those unethical rhesus monkey frontal lobotomies in the 1960s. Paul left the show but luckily for Stefan Dennis fans he eventually returned as the same evil corporate dude he’d been at the beginning. (Bear with me.)
Overnight it’s alleged James Packer bought $250 million shares in the Ten Network which would give him an influential 15 per cent stake in the company. Y’see, Packer’s pending return to being a controlling force in mainstream media has an allegorical resonance to the journey of Paul Robinson in Neighbours. By that I simply mean, the evil incarnation of Paul is like a symbol of the mainstream media presence of James Packer, and the Brain Tumour represents James Packer’s absence from mainstream media – like when he sold out of Channel Nine to concentrate on casinos.
(Note: Holy shit I just re-read that. Sorry everyone.)
Packer and Ten are yet to comment on the alleged deal but the share raid got us thinking: What would a Channel Ten run by James Packer look like…?
– Casino gaming ads will pop up on screen at inopportune times.
– A popular family-oriented comedy-drama on a massive fuck off yacht called “Packered to the Rafters”
– Tony Grieg will be appointed CEO
– Influential media personality Shane Warne will host several late night poker shows
– Erica Baxter will be on a show probably Australia’s Next Top Model and find a way to include her singing into one of the contestant challenges. Erika Heynatz did and it was brutal.
– Early morning broadcasts of Benny Hinn will be replaced by this video on loop:
– Matt Preston will be fired from Masterchef to be replaced by another food expert:
I’m pretty sure I just got fired from Australia.
Title Image by Adam Pretty via Getty
