I am absolutely intoxicated by ‘Married At First Sight‘. If I enjoyed it anymore I’d be hiding out in the toilets at work on my lunchbreak injecting a distilled version of the show into my eyeballs.
Somehow, the geniuses behind this program have managed to completely weaponise the concept of marriage, using it to make a handful of people wildly unhappy and unstable and a few other people pretty happy, but only for the purposes of making the first group all the more uncomfortable.
In the interest of heightening the madness, this season they’ve put all of the couples inside one locked and guarded (conjecture) compound and forced them to sit through a highly-boozed dinner party once a week, in which I believe (again, conjecture) that the food is laced with some sort of psychotropic substance that makes them crave gladiatorial combat.
Highlights from earlier in the episode involve Alene complimenting Simon so much for cutting his long hair (against his will) that it become actually kind of deeply insulting how bad she was implying he looked beforehand, and Nadia and Anthony torturing each other over who was more physically fit.
But the real treat arrived, as it did last week, when everyone had had a single glass of wine and decided to cut sick at each other like their lives depending on destroying each other’s self-esteem.
While it seemed extremely obvious that Cheryl and Andrew were going to hook up, their entrance to the dinner party caused a baffling combination of surprise and extreme contempt. Anthony, in particular, seemed to have a very hard time comprehending that two single people who are attracted to each other would try dating. Cheryl copped most of the grilling, from a room full of people who apparently didn’t reckon she deserved a second chance:
Anthony’s pretend TV wife, Nadia, who seems to be substantially far less of a cockhole than he is, at least gave Cheryl a brief reprieve from being relentlessly bullied by Anthony:
In between psychological warfare, they took some time to pretend to be horses? No, I don’t fuckin’ know either:
Anthony took the absence of Cheryl as an excuse to try and pick at cracks in Andrew’s facade, honing in on the age difference between Andrew and Cheryl, which was swiftly put down by beautiful sweet boy Simon, who appears to be an IRL angel.
If that wasn’t unpleasant enough, things got even worse, with a conflict between Sharon and Nick over Nick’s occasional visits to strip clubs, which at least lead to this wonderful exchange:
Nick: You can just chill out, have a nice conversation.
Sharon: Why couldn’t you do that at a different pub without, like, naked chicks?
Nick: Well… that’s a pretty good reason, isn’t it?
Nick, I am inclined to agree with you.
Anthony, apparently getting exactly what he wanted, managed to make Cheryl cry, but half-heartedly pulled his head in when Nadia told him to stop being a dick:
I swear to God they need to start watering down the wine for these dinner parties.
Source and photo: Channel 9.
