Here it is, my friends, the first ‘Married At First Sight‘ dinner party, in which we as a nation huddle around our sets or streaming devices to watch ten (?! there’s really ten?) hapless couples endure a 6-hour session of producer-prompted binge drinking, all in the name of our entertainment.
We are in Rome, and this is our Colosseum.
we really are
And surprisingly, we were not prepared. This thing is even more of a train wreck than I remember, probably thanks to the “experts” and their ever-dwindling matchmaking prowess.
The highlights of this episode included the excruciating subzero chemistry between insane tooth-brusher/possible alien Troy and his normal-seeming bride, Ashley:
The pash is strong with this one! 💋 #MAFS pic.twitter.com/fwsr0nyq7W
— Married At First Sight (@MarriedAU) February 8, 2018
I’m dying 😂 #Youreabittookeenforme #mafsau #mafs pic.twitter.com/dWqP5ss1bY
— Malena (@ladymoogoo) February 8, 2018
Troy is really skirting that line between creep and rapey. And he has a highly punchable face. #MAFS
— Garrett Mundy (@GarrettIvo) February 8, 2018
https://twitter.com/AuntyNeville664/status/961566734971908098
The astonishingly sweet pairing of Gabrielle and Nassar:
STOP IT! 😍 #MAFS pic.twitter.com/DOZOujrT6u
— Married At First Sight (@MarriedAU) February 8, 2018
Nassar is actually quite lovely! Comforting her fears, not being condescending. 😍 #MAFS
— Kiera (@UnderYourPorch) February 8, 2018
Nasser – what a man #MAFS pic.twitter.com/wgSwYwPAUv
— Stella Stavrou (@StellaStavrou) February 8, 2018
https://twitter.com/unluckylingerie/status/961524763515543557
And of course, the infamous dinner party. One member of said party in particular: Davina.
Maybe it’s the forty-five top-ups of rosé the producers have snuck into her glass, but this lady is a bit fucken much – openly disparaging her quiet, handsome husband Ryan, loudly flirting with the worst bloke in the room (Dean the Sexist), and then dragging two of the other women into another room to gush over “Deano”s shoulders.
Sizing up the competition? ✋ #MAFS pic.twitter.com/kCQXSkldJs
— Married At First Sight (@MarriedAU) February 8, 2018
The viewers! They’re not keen on it!
Single and ready to mingle! 🤷 #MAFS pic.twitter.com/f4G0vBbEE2
— Married At First Sight (@MarriedAU) February 8, 2018
https://twitter.com/TheBlakDuchess/status/961549387414437888
Davina defs said she’s keen to meet the other husbands & now shes lying about it. #MAFS #MarriedAtFirstSight #MarriedAtFirstSightau #mafsau pic.twitter.com/1RwnkMgBnb
— Netty (@misscolee96) February 8, 2018
https://twitter.com/unluckylingerie/status/961538045978722305
Yep, realized that I called Ryan Matt.. but Matt, Ryan.. anyone except Nasser, RUN FOR YOUR LIVES.
— Kimberley (@kimberleyperri_) February 8, 2018
https://twitter.com/Fliss_89/status/961528826240032768
#MAFS hey Davina: pic.twitter.com/9bGjYb1OrK
— S.B (@SurfdogTV) February 8, 2018
Davina is the type of person that would do it with Barnaby Joyce. #MAFS
— Alex Lucifero (@LuciferoAlex) February 8, 2018
YIKES. Cruel, Alex. Real cruel.
Almost as cruel as the rest of us are for watching this manipulative monstrosity! Bring on the commitment ceremony, I am frothing for some vicarious heartbreak. Have someone prep the vomitorium, stat.