Australia Was Not Ready For The Trainwreck That Was The First ‘MAFS’ Dinner

married at first sight dinner party

Here it is, my friends, the first ‘Married At First Sight‘ dinner party, in which we as a nation huddle around our sets or streaming devices to watch ten (?! there’s really ten?) hapless couples endure a 6-hour session of producer-prompted binge drinking, all in the name of our entertainment.

We are in Rome, and this is our Colosseum.

we really are

And surprisingly, we were not prepared. This thing is even more of a train wreck than I remember, probably thanks to the “experts” and their ever-dwindling matchmaking prowess.

The highlights of this episode included the excruciating subzero chemistry between insane tooth-brusher/possible alien Troy and his normal-seeming bride, Ashley:

https://twitter.com/AuntyNeville664/status/961566734971908098

The astonishingly sweet pairing of Gabrielle and Nassar:

https://twitter.com/unluckylingerie/status/961524763515543557

And of course, the infamous dinner party. One member of said party in particular: Davina.

Maybe it’s the forty-five top-ups of rosé the producers have snuck into her glass, but this lady is a bit fucken much – openly disparaging her quiet, handsome husband Ryan, loudly flirting with the worst bloke in the room (Dean the Sexist), and then dragging two of the other women into another room to gush over “Deano”s shoulders.

The viewers! They’re not keen on it!

https://twitter.com/TheBlakDuchess/status/961549387414437888

https://twitter.com/unluckylingerie/status/961538045978722305

https://twitter.com/Fliss_89/status/961528826240032768

YIKES. Cruel, Alex. Real cruel.

Almost as cruel as the rest of us are for watching this manipulative monstrosity! Bring on the commitment ceremony, I am frothing for some vicarious heartbreak. Have someone prep the vomitorium, stat.

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