While the producers and marketing people behind ‘Married At First Sight‘ might try and convince you that the enterprise is an important social experiment, you might be surprised to find out: it’s actually a reality TV show.

The show “experiments” by pairing off a series of ill-matched couples together, forcing them to marry and putting them in circumstances designed to alternately make them hate each other and become incredibly horny. Primarily, it’s a vessel for uncomfortable arguments that are later apologised for with some of the worst making out ever committed to camera.

If that alone isn’t enough to tantalise you, they also make sure to put some of the couples on a drastically uneven footing from the others before throwing them together in an extremely-bordering-on-irresponsibly booze-soaked dinner party in the attempt of provoking ~drama~, which they do with deadly accuracy.

Tonight’s dinner party came to a head thanks primarily to the volatile mixture of following couples:

  • John and Deb: A slightly older couple who apparently hate each other because Deb wanted someone Polynesian (?) and John loves to party and is also a bit of a dick.
  • Jonathan and Cheryl: Jonathan is cranky because Cheryl told him that she doesn’t find him attractive, which is understandable, but also he’s a Trump supporter and self-described “entrepreneur” which are two huge red flags.
  • Andrew and, well, no-one: Andrew got jilted almost immediately, and had the extremely unfortunate pleasure of having to turn up solo, but is so goddamn handsome and wonderful he managed to blitz his way through it.
  • Michael and Scarlett: Decided to just be friends in the last episode and over the course of the dinner party progress from being shockingly cuddly for friends to straight-up fighting.
  • All the other couples: Who seem to be wildly in love and thus are getting basically zero airtime because happiness is completely uninteresting.

If we’re to believe the editing, the drama bombs begin dropping immediately. The delicately fucked ecosystem of the locked and guarded compound in which the prisoners contestants are kept is quickly thrown into disarray by the addition of a series of drunk people who are at a loose end thanks to personal disagreements.

Jonathan (Trumpist) finds common ground with Scarlett, who is also a Trump supporter and NRA fan and is furious with her would-be husband Michael, who wants to keep things platonic.

Cheryl, however, is extremely upset at how Jonathan has been treating her, but when she confronts him he’s either too drunk or too much of a dick to care (my guess is it’s both):

This was not the only conflict Cheryl was involved in over the course of the evening either, taking it upon herself to (unsuccessfully) attempt to patch things up between the ill-fated John and Deb:

Andrew proved to be another wildcard, which is surprising in itself considering if I personally had had to go through his entrance I would have died IRL:

Despite appearing alone, he appeared to be having a better time than a few of the other blokes, hitting it off with Cheryl (she sure seems to be cropping up a lot), in a way which involved singing songs about salt and pepper shakers? Yeah, not sure about that one.

Tonight’s ‘Married At First Sight’ Dinner Party Was A Sea Of Boozy Drama

In summary: everything has gone to piss, which means we’re in for some quality television.

Source and photos: Channel 9.