Tonight’s ‘MAFS’ Dinner Party Confirms Suspicions That Sam Can Get Fkn Rekt

mafs dinner party sam

Ok let’s get one thing out of the way here: is it legal to get people this drunk and then show them on television? Because it feels like it should be illegal.

Yep, in case you missed it, tonight was the first of this season’s notorious Married At First Sight dinner parties. For the uninitiated, the dinner parties are disastrous occasions that reportedly last for six hours at a time, during which all the bewildered normies recruited for this pseudo-psychological televised debacle are plied with the liquor of their choice and encouraged to hash out whatever invented conflict they’re currently spending the bulk of their time marinating in.

Tonight, the drama du jour was Lizzie‘s runaway groom, Sam, who apparently missed their “honeymoon” because of a “convenient” “funeral” at which he “couldn’t be contacted for several days”. Actually that last bit doesn’t need scare quotes, that’s exactly what happened – the bloke nicked off to his ex-girlfriend’s mum’s funeral and somehow forgot how to operate a phone while he was there.

Lizzie was unsurprisingly fairly unimpressed by this development, particularly as Sam chose (“chose” – we see you, producers, rubbing unrefined dollars on your gums behind the parlour palms) the dinner party as the perfect occasion to return from his jaunt. Was he shocked that Lizzie was angry at his total lack of contact? Have a wild guess.

Just as they do every season, the noble viewers of this slo-mo train wreck are already baying for blood. Sam’s blood.

Spare a thought for the other hapless couples, at least some of whom seem to be genuinely enjoying each other’s company, but most of whom are imploding in the helpless way any otherwise normal people would when confronted with barrels of wine, intense pressure to perform romance and the distant carrot of a large cash prize.

What on earth.

The more I read the good people of Twitter‘s reactions to this show, though, the more I come to believe that the true purpose of this “experiment” is not to bring these couples together into blessed romantic union – it’s to unite the desolate peoples of the internet under one common banner: hating everyone on TV.

It’s a perfect match.