Spare a thought for your sweaty brothers and sisters up in the Northern Territory. Not only is it a particularly warm and sticky time of year up there in the tropics, with minimum temperatures barely dipping below 30 at night and the humidity hanging in the air like the whole place is just the inside of a giant water balloon, they’re apparently on the brink of a disaster of unfathomable proportions.
While we down here managed to stave off the summer heat with cool, delicious treats all season long, the NT – right in their hour of need – are facing an absolutely unfathomable scenario.
They’re about to hit a shortage of ice cream.
Worse still, it’s apparently the doing of some eager idiot who either conveniently forgot the existence of convenience stores, had his/her/non-gender specific pronoun brain scrambled by the ungodly humidity, or was just intent on observing the eons-old Australian pastime of being a straight-up dick.
As it turns out, the potential shortage is being caused by someone who broke into a supplier’s giant fridge truck, ransacked the joint (because, y’know, if a burglar breaks into a truck and doesn’t knock all the shit over, did they really burgle it?) took a few armfuls of ice cream and left. But because they’d smashed through the locks, the truck doors didn’t close properly on their way out. Worse still, the supplier just happened to be on holiday. So when she returned, she found around $45,000 worth of ice cream stocks melted down into a giant, horrible, sticky, inedible mess.
Duty Superintended Louise Jorgensen stated of the horrific scene, “It looks like somebody has tried to steal a little bit of ice-cream and in the process jemmied open the doors of the refrigerator trucks. They have taken whatever they thought they needed and left the doors open.“
A lot of the ice cream stock was intended to be transported to outlying indigenous communities. But other parts of the Northern Territory are expected to feel the pinch of the shortage.
And now the question remains – who would do such a thing? A lone rogue hell bent on scoring some sweet late-night dessert action, but who lived closer to the distribution centre than the nearest BP? A group of new-age food bloggers turned anarcho-anti-sugar crusaders running guerrilla tactics to impart their bloodthirsty Sugar Is Poison agenda on an unsuspecting public? Legions of seagulls turned sentient by decades of syrup consumption who will no longer be satisfied to sit and wait until some pudgy 5 year old holds their cone just far enough away from their face to swoop?
Whatever the case, it’s a dark, dark day for our Northern kin. Send them all the spare Maxibons you can manage. Drop tubs of gelato into your nearest Australia Post. Anything. Do what you can, people.
Our sweaty mates need us.
via ABC News.
