The highlight from last night’s episode of The Voice was watching judge Seal go crazy over the final contestant of the evening, a performance that involved hip swivelling, finger clicking and fist pumps. And that’s just Seal. Let’s see if any of the would-be singing stars on tonight’s show can get any of the judges out of their seats. It’s live blog time…
8:10pm: It’s a late start tonight after The Block went over time. Luckily Scott Cam is a delight in plaid and khakis. I’d love to see Seal wear such an outfit. He’d look too hilarious out of his usual fluoro-heavy colour palette and nail varnish that changes colour daily.
8:11pm: Handsome Sam from a small country town is introduced as the first contestant. He wants to over come the “pretty boy” stigma that he has to deal with. Fair call, because he’s pretty as hell. It always annoys me when good looking people are like “being hot is such a drag.” Seal spun around first, then the best thing of the entire contest just happened. Joel said, “Seal! Seal! Is it a guy?” This keeps perfectly in trend with Joel’s history of picking only hot babes. The dude is shameless. After Seal appeals to Handsome Sam with the creepy suggestion that he “would kill for you”, he is ultimately chosen as Sam’s mentor.
8:21pm: A massive Delta fan is up next. She’s singing “Babooshka” by Kate Bush and her parents are, rather adorably, chanting “Babooshka Babooshka!” from the wings in a stage whisper. The girl is Russian and has a truly sexy Russian accent like a fake Russian in a James Bond movie. She gets to work with her hero, Delta, because she was the only one who turned around in her chair. Despite having very poor taste in music, this Russian is appealing and I wish her well.
8:26pm: Some bro in a vest and what can only be described as Counting Crows Fan hair is singing the Sam Cooke classic “A Change Is Gonna Come”. My boyfriend suggests the hair is more like Russell Crowe during down time? Whoa. Keith Urban just asked him if he ever gets compared to Russell Crowe. I’m dating Keith Urban’s mind-twin! I wonder if Nicole Kidman and I are somehow psychically connected? Nicole?… Keith and Delta both spun around for Counting Crows Fan’s okay-but-by-no-means-amazing performance and he ultimately chooses Keith. Probably for the Russell comparison. Lol. Kidding. Probably because he really didn’t want to be on Delta’s team because she’s insufferable.
8:36pm: Diana is making one last shot at being a singer, fearing she’s too old. Aw, don’t go making me feel sorry for you Di! She’s doing a sassy version of Beyonce’s “Work It Out” and hits the notes. Keith spins and keeps her in the show.
8:41pm: LOL AT DARREN MCMULLEN IN THE FORD FOCUS ADS.
8:42pm: Shit. Poor 18-year-old Mitchell Thompson is wearing capri pants and the editor included a shot of him getting his face powdered?!? That’s just cruel. Mitchell is actually doing a fairly nice job of an extremely lame song. He shuts his eyes when he sings because he feels such emotion! When Delta says “What’s your name?” he tells her his name, his age and where he’s from. Adorable. Seriously, you’d take this guy home to meet your mother.
8:87pm: Seal gets to welcome bright-eyed Mitchell into his coven of crazy.
8:48pm: HOLD UP. The next contestant just referred to herself as “a walking rainbow”.
8:57pm: HOLD UP. The NEXT contestant’s name is Jazz Flowers. I missed her song because I have a life and things need to get done, but apparently she was great because Keith, Delta and Seal all turned around and rallyed for her to join their teams, but she chose Keith. JAZZ FLOWERS you guys! I love you TV/Australia.
9:04pm: Joel’s been disappointingly appropriate tonight.
9:06pm: A tracksuit pant wearing karaoke champion is up next. This guy has a voice as tender as a slow cooked lamb curry. He’s singing James Blunt I feel. And speaking of feeling, I wish there were enough words in the dictionary to describe the amount of pained passion Seal appears to be experiencing right now. He spins around at the last moment to Delta’s great displeasure (having turned around first). Joel just told him he sounded almost exactly like James Blunt. Delta said he gave her tingles. Seal said his usual batshit rubbish, and James B fell for it! Seal continues to inexplicably lure contestants through spouting inane platitudes such as “I felt your spirit in the soul of that song” and it’s awesome.
9:14pm: A 36-year-old named Corey is up next and only someone from the Gold Coast could be named ‘Corey’ and be over the age of 22.
9:15pm: Corey, like Counting Crows Fan, is wearing a vest. “It’s a flow-on from the INXS days that old rockers can’t get over” explains my boyfriend. None of the judges spun around for Corey but are insisting how terrific his voice is, the fucking liars.
9:19pm: Jerson reminds me of my favourite contestant from last year’s Masterchef Alvin and this dude can really sing. Delta is the only judge who turned around so she’s lucky to have him on her team.
9:29pm: A very pretty woman named Michelle performs “Only Girl In The World” and proceeds to interview the judges like the presenter on a dating show. Joel says “I’d like to get you out of that box and try some different things” which sounds totally suss when I’ve taken it out of context.
9:33pm: The universe speaks to Michelle and tells her to pick Joel. Another hot chick for Joel!
9:35pm: That’s the end for another episode, which is just as well because my laptop is about to run out of batteries. Til next time.
