Just Gonna Say It: Felix Is The Worst Bachelor We’ve Ever Had

the bachelors felix van hofe the bachlor australia 2023

The Bachelors‘ Felix Van Hofe may very well be the slimiest casting choice The Bachelor Australia has ever made.

We’re barely a week into the season and two contestants (Ella and Yuri) have already left the mansion — on their own accord — after watching Felix make out with Tilly and Naomi in front of them. The women are truly dropping like disappointed flies.

felix van hofe the bachelors
Well if it isn’t the consequences of my own actions. Source: Ten

But Felix’s behaviour — whether it’s his inconsiderate public displays of affection or the proclivity to say truly misguided things like, “If they’re insecure with that [me kissing girls in front of them], then it’s off-putting to me” — is problematic for any man, let alone The Bachelor Australia.

Over the nine seasons of The Bachelor Australia that preceded this one, we’ve been led to believe that every lead has the right intentions and is looking for The One. It’s what gets the contestants and viewers alike so invested. And it works.

Just look at The Bachelor US which is heading into its 27th season. It’s part of their formula to cast a wholesome (usually religious, sometimes virginal) Bachelor to get everyone believing a happy ending is actually on the cards.

They also cast previous contestants that were rejected on The Bachelorette US as the new Bachelor. There’s already emotional investment from viewers and proof that they’re actually looking for love. It’s clever, and it sure as hell worked wonders for Richie Strahan and Matty J’s seasons, right?

In fact, the only people we should be questioning on The Bachelor Australia is the contestants. If there was one thing we could and should be able to count on, it’s that The Bachelor is ready to commit (unlike the people bouncing around on dating apps).

Of course there have been leads like Nick Cummins and Blake Garvey who have later proven they weren’t the stellar men they were claiming to be throughout the season, but to see behaviour that so closely resembles your last unsuccessful Tinder date — so early on, mind you — is a slap in the face to everyone involved. A stitch up to not only the contestants but to you and I watching at home as well.

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Disrespectful men exist both IRL and on Bachie, wild. Source: Ten

Even if the contestants are actually looking for social media fame with the possibility of love as a side, plenty of the viewers at home, whether we’ll admit it or not, watch this shit because it gives us hope.

It reminds us that not everyone is a douche, on the rebound or full of crap. That not everyone says “we can just spoon” only to start prodding their boner into your back soon after.

We’re meant to believe that there are some emotionally available needles in a fuckboy haystack and The Bachelor Australia is meant to gift us that. But instead, Channel Ten ignored the instructions and delivered a 6’5 player who says things like, “I love a threesome, just not with my wife!” to our doorsteps.

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Me and my tongue have so much to learn about common decency and equality. Source: Ten

But Felix and his haunting tongue movements aren’t all bad. If there’s one thing this man does well, it’s make fellow bachelors Jed McIntosh and Thomas Malucelli look like saints.

Unfortunately one exuded toxic masculinity traits upon being rejected and the other thinks that a 38-year-old woman having children is a dealbreaker, so consider any hope of love in my heart officially dead.

I want a refund. And my standards back.

Chantelle Schmidt is a freelance writer. You can follow her here