Are These Two Gonna Fuck, Or What?

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Succession‘s long-awaited third season is almost upon us, and I think there’s one thing we can all agree on: Roman and Gerri need to fuck.

It was Oscar Wilde who penned the now-famous phrase: “Everything in the world is about sex, except sex. Sex is about power.” He wasn’t necessarily wrong, but Roman Roy (Kieran Culkin) and Gerri Kellman (J. Smith-Cameron) take it to a whole new level. Their twisted, shifting power dynamics and Roman’s inability to get off without Gerri calling him a “slime puppy” over the phone or whatever flips the lid on what a TV romance should be. Succession, I argue, is a love story.

For those of you weirdly unfamiliar, Roman is the chaotic second son of media mogul Logan Roy (Brian Cox). He wasn’t groomed to take over the media empire and then short-changed at the last minute (unlike his less fuckwitted siblings), but he’s shown some surprising business acumen when not running his mouth off. Gerri is the general council for Waystar Roy, and is at least two decades older than him. (For context, the actors are 39 and 64 years old respectively.)

They had some chemistry in season one, but it was a phone call early in season two that kicked it all off.

“You’re acting like an overexcited little boy,” Gerri tells him.

“You know, technically, I’m your fucking boss,” Roman replies.

“Go to bed, Roman. Go to bed and masturbate all your ideas out, and let’s see how excited you feel tomorrow.”

What follows is an urgent, ferocious masturbation scene. Gerri calls Roman a “disgusting little worm” and Roman gets himself off. It’s unexpected. Most importantly, it’s really fucking hot.

Speaking to The Hollywood Reporter, Culkin revealed that it was his and Smith-Cameron’s outrageous flirting during season one that prompted the Succession writers to chuck that in.

“I would flirt with J. in the most obnoxious way, just to fuck around,” he said.

Smith-Cameron added: “I remember the writers all laughing, but it never occurred to me that it would inform anything they wrote.”

Well, they did – and the Succession season three promotional material leans in even harder.


And then would you just LOOK at these two on the red carpet the other day. They’re teasing us. Making us beg. I couldn’t help but wonder… had I become the slime puppy to their twisted love story? (Yes, and I love it.)

roman gerri
Now kiiiiiiiiis.

Succession season three is back next Monday (Oct 18) at 12pm on Foxtel and Binge. It picks up right where we left off in season two, with Logan Roy dealing with the fallout of metaphorical patricide. But I care less about who is taking over Waystar Roy and/or going to prison, and much, much more about if Gerri and Roman will see each other naked. Let’s pray to baby Jesus, or if that fails, to Logan himself.