A wild rumour involving Shakira, her cheating ex Gerard Piqué and a jar of jam has been spreading (hehe) around the internet, so it’s time to lift the lid off of this conspiracy and investigate. After all, nothing is sweeter than the truth.
According to ShowNews Today, Shakira told Spanish TV program Socialite that after she returned home from a long period of promoting music abroad in 2022, she found her favourite strawberry jam had been emptied. Thing is, Gerard Piqué doesn’t like strawberry jam. Thus, the logical conclusion was clear: there must’ve been another woman in the house with her claws in Shakira’s favourite jam.
It’s an absolutely wild story, especially given the fact that Shakira has two children who probably eat jam. It’s also interesting that no outlet apart from ShowNews Today is claiming to have seen Socialite. I need at least ONE other person to tell me if Shakira actually found out her husband was cheating via a strawberry jam jar.
Shakira deduced Piqué was cheating on her after she returned from traveling to find that her strawberry jam was eaten.
Piqué has never eaten jam in his life. pic.twitter.com/2OpKhkP7ih
— Pop Tingz (@ThePopTingz) January 17, 2023
I cannot imagine being the other woman eating jam in shakira’s home
— JP (@jpbrammer) January 17, 2023
shakira about to leave her kitchen but she realises her jam is missing pic.twitter.com/hep4LMvdrh
— ryxn (@itzryxxn) January 18, 2023
men are an absolute insane species fr like ur gonna cheat SHAKIRA?? and let the woman EAT UR WIFES JAM?? THE MOTHER OR UR CHILDREN??
— vandana (@vandanaiscool) January 17, 2023
Shakira inside the jam jar investigating how much was missing pic.twitter.com/fUGouZEgm2
— AND IM VICTORIA MALCOLM (@fagfetchd) January 17, 2023
https://twitter.com/Meg_Howell/status/1615820499682041866?s=20&t=u1eHhcKUhUfW3Fwnfa9iSA
shakira’s new jam pic.twitter.com/q2hXxhoV4z
— Duolingo (@duolingo) January 18, 2023
As if the story couldn’t get juicier (teehee), Shakira appeared to reference the incriminating breakfast delicacy via song.
Last April, the Benoit Blanc of berries released a single with Rauw Alejandro called “Te Felicito”. In the music video, there’s a scene where Shakira opens the fridge and finds Alejandro’s disembodied head staring back at her.
What is on the shelf above his deeply shocked visage? Strawberries. My tinfoil hat is firmly on.
Shakira was asked about the scene in an interview for This Morning, and her response was intriguing to say the least.
“There’s a moment in the video when you go to the fridge and you’re not going to the fridge for milk. Tell me about that, what’s going on?” Alison Hammond asked.
“To find out the truth,” Shakira replied.
In the fridge! To look for the empty jar of strawberry jam which no one other than Gerard Piqué’s mistress could have polished off! The clues are all there, people!
Hedonistic jam aside, Shakira has truly been on a delicious one lately. As reported by the New York Post, the detective has placed a little witch on the balcony of her home in Barcelona and positioned the spooky gal so she’s facing her former mother-in-law’s house.
According to the Spanish television show Más Vale Tarde, Piqué’s mother Montserrat Bernabeu asked members of Shakira’s staff to fuck the witch off — but the white-haired lass is still taunting her from afar.
Shakira has also reportedly been blasting her latest single “BZRP Music Sessions #53” from her home on repeat. In case your music lore isn’t up to scratch, the song appears to be a scathing diss track about Piqué and his new 23-year-old girlfriend, Clara Chia Marti.
Bernabeu even cops a mention at one point because at this stage, why not? Go the whole hog, I say.
🧙♀️🔊 Shakira has reportedly been listening to her BZRP session on a loop today, where there is also a witch on the balcony pointing at her ex-mother-in-law’s house… pic.twitter.com/ZX2qXJG8lB
— ShakiraMedia (@ShakiraMedia) January 14, 2023
“You left me with your mom as a neighbour / The press at my door, and a debt with the Treasury,” Shakira sings, according to Genius. Is that a reference to those tax fraud allegations, I wonder?
“I’m worth two 22-year-olds / You traded in a Ferrari for a Twingo / You traded in a Rolex for a Casio.”
In case your sleuthing skills aren’t as refined as Shakira’s, Piqué and Marti first got together when she was 22.
And now it appears that the bloke has clapped back at his ex-wife, rocking up to work in a Renault Twingo and announcing he’s gotten Casio to sponsor the Spanish King’s League — all within days of the diss track dropping.
I am exhausted, but I am giddy from the sheer absurdity of this drama. I also have an unquenchable desire for strawberry jam. Shakira, if you’re reading this, I promise I didn’t eat your special preserves.
