This Robert Pattinson GQ Interview May Be The Most Chaotic Celeb Profile Ever Published

Robert Pattinson

If you want to know what peak chaos in isolation looks like, I’d point directly to GQ’s June / July cover of Robert Pattinson. The new Batman star shot the portraits himself and the results are really something. The interview itself consists of microwaving pasta and how he doesn’t know anything about his other new movie, Tenet, directed by Christopher Nolan. 

According to Nolan, Pattinson was only “slightly fucking” with GQ about Tenet. You can read more about that yourselves, because I’m going to skip right ahead to the pasta bit. The interview with GQ stretched across a couple of days and on one of those days, Pattinson decided to cook for GQ’s Zach Baron, via FaceTime. All you need to know is sometime last year, Pattinson had a business idea: “How do you make a pasta which you can hold in your hand?”

Read all of it. And then read the whole feature. And then maybe read it three times over to realise this is real and not fake.

Baron said Pattinson looked like he was cooking meth, which just about sums his microwavable-fast-food-pasta-invention(?) up.

He even put foil in the microwave, which is something you should not do. You can guess what happens next.

Proudly he is walking back toward the counter that his phone is on when, behind him, a lightning bolt erupts from the oven/microwave, and Pattinson ducks like someone outside has opened fire. He’s giggling and crouching as the oven throws off stray flickers of light and sound.

“The fucking electricity…oh, my God,” he says, still on the floor. And then, with a loud, final bang, the oven/microwave goes dark.

Below this bit is a self-portrait of Pattinson eating a bowl of something. He’s also shirtless and wrapped in a $420 Burberry scarf. I don’t know what’s going on.

Pattinson’s doing great in isolation though. “I eat out of cans and stuff. I’ll literally put Tabasco inside a tuna can and just eat it out of the can.”

He’s also supposed to be getting shredded for Batman, but “Literally, I’m just barely doing anything.”

Note the photo.

You can read Pattinson’s full GQ cover story below. It is almost 9am and my brain cannot understand any of this.


Wait, one more.

Thank you, Zach Baron and GQ, thank you so much.