Before Paris Hilton, dogs simply did not exist. You might think you had a dog before Paris, but trust me you’re wrong. Paris Hilton literally invented dogs.
I truly believe Paris’ dogs were a cultural reset. You might be familiar with the meme, but basically a cultural reset is an iconic moment from pop culture history that changed society in a big way.
People are claiming anything is a cultural reset on social media these days. But, Paris Hilton’s dogs really were a cultural reset.
Think about it. Before Paris Hilton, dogs were thought of as, you know, just dogs…not accessories. Now, Beverly Hills and affluent areas home to the fuck off, mega rich are filled with pampered pooches, who have more money than you or I could even imagine.
You can take your dogs inside the cabin on planes now. Dogs live in doggie mansions. Dogs are vegan. It’s madness. We will drop $13k on a dog, but won’t tip the waiter (By ‘we’ I mean über rich assholes). Ok I’m gonna say it…we’ve gone barking mad.
Now, what better way to celebrate Princess Paris’ dogs being a cultural reset than by ranking them based on how iconic they are.
This was actually way harder than I thought it would be. The Stars Are Blind singer has so many dogs. I am bound to have missed some. So don’t come for me in the comments ok? I’ve tried my best.
Also, full disclosure: I do not condone animal cruelty of any kind. This is just a fun ranking exercise. Please do not think that it’s ok to breed animals to look ‘cute’, but will eventually cause them major health issues in the future. That is not okay.
Anyway, here are the dogs:
Dollar is an adorable Miniature Pinscher rescue that Paris adopted with her boyfriend at the time, River Viiperi. Dollar had an Instagram account that was sadly deleted because it didn’t gain much traction with fans. So that’s the only reason Dollar is so low, but he’s still adorable.
Prada is one of Paris’ OG iconic Chihuahuas who has paraded around with Paris many times in public and on social media. I don’t actually know which one Prada is, which is why she’s so low on the list. Prada also has a daughter named Dolce, who didn’t make the list for the sole reason that a ‘Top 10’ sounds much better than a ‘Top 11’.
Silvington is super cute, I love him. Those blue eyes are just gorgeous. However, he’s a very new addition to the Princess Paris mansion. Unfortunately, that puts him low on the list. Still cute though.
7. Harajuku Bitch
This is probably my favourite name of all the dogs. Harajuku Bitch is an incredible name for a dog, and just a good word in general. Bit of a flex, but I’ve been to Harajuku in Japan and yes this Pomeranian would definitely fit in very well there. The only reason she’s not higher is because she’s not a chihuahua or a little puffy white Pomeranian, which are Paris staples. Sorry Harajuku Bitch.
6. Marilyn Monroe
Another adorable Pomeranian, but one with the added star power of sharing a name with Hollywood’s most iconic starlet. It is well known that Paris is obsessed with the late actress Marilyn Monroe, but like what white woman isn’t?
5. Prince Hilton
Prince Hilton is a teacup Pomeranian and was supposedly the smallest Pomeranian in the world when Paris dropped a whopping $13k on him. Before being renamed Prince Hilton, the Teacup Pom was originally called Mr. Amazing. I can see why she changed it though, I think too many people would’ve made jokes that it’s amazing he’s still alive being that tiny. Seriously, if you’re thinking of buying a pet dog, adopt one from the pound instead of forking out thousands for one that looks just like a stuffed toy.
4. Princess Paris Jr
Another teacup Pomeranian, Paris bought Princess Paris Jr alongside Prince Hilton for a bonkers $25k. Princess scores higher than Prince because she’s just that tiny bit cuter with the addition of those gorgeous little pink bows.
3. Peter Pan
One of the OGs, Peter Pan is immediately recognisable. The Chihuahua is famous for accompanying Paris on her shopping sprees, where she famously invented the dog-in-a-handbag trend. More money has probably been spent on Peter Pan than you’ll ever make in a lifetime. Let that sink in.
2. Diamond Baby
Yes that is a Paris Hilton pillow, and yes that is Paris’ prized pooch Diamond posing in front of it. Diamond is undeniably the top dog in the Hilton household. He took over the top spot, shortly after the sad passing of Paris’ beloved Tinkerbell. Paris takes Diamond everywhere, even on vacation…the lucky bitch. I do have really mixed feelings about Diamond though. Why is its tongue literally hanging out in every photo? I’m no dog expert, but that doesn’t seem normal.
Finally it’s the OG and arguably the most famous of the Hilton pet clan, Tinkerbell. Unfortunately, after 14 years together Tinkerbell passed away in early 2015. In a eulogy to Tinkerbell, Paris wrote: “I am so sad & devastated. After 14 amazing years together my baby Tinkerbell has passed away of old age.” I truly believe that Tinkerbell deserves the top spot as the most iconic of Paris Hilton’s dogs. May she always live on in our memories. R.I.P, Rest in Paris.Image: Getty Images / Phil McCarten