I’ve done a lot of dumb shit in my lifetime. I’ve hitchhiked in a country I didn’t speak the language. I’ve accidentally burnt my ass cheeks trying to do an anti-cellulite mask and one time I even went off my anti-depressants because a psychic told me to. But while a few of my questionable choices have been death-wish adjacent, I’ve never gotten as close to seeing God as this bloke in Adelaide did when he decided to chow down on some raw chicken drummies.
In two hurl-enducing photos submitted to Instagram page @shitadelaide, an anonymous man is seen riding down some escalators at Westfield Marion, opening a freshly bought plastic tray of raw chicken drumsticks.
And while you’d hope that maybe old mate is just making sure his drummies are fresh and ready for a honey-soy marinade followed by 40 minutes in the oven, the next pic sees our anonymous friend take a big ol’ bite.
Someone tell me why I can hear and feel this bite from simply looking at the photo?
I am in ~distress~.
I’m not the only one having a fucking conniption over this man’s ballsy behaviour either.
“He’s so cooked, the chicken gets charred on the way down…” one user commented.
“What an absolute savage, starts from the middle of the pack instead of working from left to right,” another said.
“This king is so busy hustling he doesn’t have time to waste sitting down to eat, or putting shoes on, or cooking his food. Few understand this grindset,” one wrote.
Look, I think we can all agree that this is fucking disgusting. But let’s also commend our friend for his absolute bravery when staring down the barrel of salmonella because raw chicken can genuinely kill you.According to the Australian Chicken Meat Federation, bacteria strains salmonella and campylobacter are both present in the gut microflora of a standard chicken. While the chicky-bois are completely unaffected living with this bacteria, the bacteria can be dangerous to us if we consume them.
Although chicken producers put a load of effort into food safety standards to ensure the chicken meat is safe for consumption, a HUGE way to avoid the risk is to cook the goddamn chook before you put it in your gob.
So now my main question is – is this man okay?
If he’s thriving without even an ounce of diarrhoea, I say we pay him a solid sum to let our top scientists study his concrete stomach.
As someone who’s prone to a cheeky shart if they’ve had one too many coffees or sneaky bite of gluten, I’d like to find out this man’s secret.
Teach me your ways, disgusting chicken king.
