Who’s keen for all these Married At First Sight 2024 couples to meet during this Episode 6 recap? Let’s get to that dinner party and the D-R-A-M-A.
As the MAFS honeymoons wrap up, it’s the last chance for producers have to be wildly invasive and ask the couples if they boned.
Sara and Tim have, in fact, done the wild thing, and Andrea and Richard appear to be having more fun than the lot of ’em.
If you’re more interested in a loveless marriage, allow me to reintroduce you to Natalie and Collins who will likely stay in the friend zone forevermore. Don’t believe me? Here are some rocks Natalie collected for Collins this morning.
Collins wants to look for other fish in the sea (like he literally wants to go fishing), but instead they decide to go four-wheel driving — in direct sunlight — which isn’t the levels of romance or temperature Natalie’s after.
She’s really stressed about going back to Sydney because this marriage is already in the shitter.
Lucinda and Timothy are discussing highlights and lowlights of the MAFS honeymoon, to which Timothy says, “The highlight is… you.”
Tin Man Timothy elaborates in a way only a man with a heart could:
“Your heart, your honesty, you’re thoughtful, your eyes, your smile — you wear everything on your sleeve. I cover it up.
“Where[as] you, it’s there and that’s really cool. It’s cool that you don’t take anytime to warm up. You are who you are. You’re a cool, cool girl.”
I AM SO HERE FOR THIS MAFS COUPLING THAT I AM EQUAL PARTS EXCITED AND SCARED.
It’s MAFS dinner party time and apparently there is an article that’s been published about a MAFS cast member and I swear it wasn’t me!!!
It says that Jack was in a relationship prior to entering the MAFS experiment, so looks like he really could be Harrison 2.0 after all. I pray that his ex also goes on Love Island next season.
I have decided to like Jonathan (Lauren’s hubby for those needing a reminder) considering his douche radar was ticking when he met Jack.
Jack has either forgotten the SPF on his MAFS honeymoon or is wildly stressing out.
Jack’s claiming that his ex —or “this girl” — just wants her three seconds of fame. “It wasn’t serious, it was never long-term for me. It’s a shame it’s gone like this,” he says.
Alright, this MAFS dinner party is going to be full of surprises and not just because Tristan thinks he is the Jay-Z to Cassandra‘s Beyoncé.
Natalie looks like she’s on the verge of tears before she’s even entered the damn lion’s den.
Jack is curious about “who’s sexier” out of his wife, Tori, and his not-wife Lauren.
The couples start piling in to dinner party to show how shit or well they’re doing in this MAFS experiment so far.
Lauren says she’s rooting for Andrea and Richard, literally, and I don’t know what type of voyeuristic shit she assumes they’re into.
Lucinda and Timothy are kissing and when in the sacrificial chicken did this start happening?
Everyone’s in love!
Except Natalie and Collins, of course, who have left the rock collection in Broome along with any chance at a happy marriage. They’re walking in quite smiley, though, likely because they’re just happy to see other people other than their spouse.
Lauren tells Sara and Eden that apparently Jack spoke to Jono about navigating “crazy” exes who might say stuff about them.
Jack tells Tim (Sara’s chicken-eating husband) how “crazy” the girl is that said they were together before the show. Ah, men calling women crazy when they’re either rejected or outed — classic.
Collins is talking to Natalie — from god knows where — about being “sour” and thinks that she “bad-mouthed” their honeymoon which was full of rocks and unwilling cocks.
Natalie is quite visibly breaking down at the dinner table. She tells producers she doesn’t think Collins likes her.
Not able to hold it in anymore, Natalie walks out of the dinner party in tears. Poor girl. I feel like we all know the feeling — pretending everything it’s OK when it’s not.
“I really wanted this to work, it’s not fair,” she tells Collins.
Collins appears confused and, from what I’m seeing, not offering her a whole lot of reassurance.
“I just want to go home. I just don’t think I can push myself through this,” she tells him. He appears to laugh, but in a way where he doesn’t know what to say or do so does that instead.
They call it quits. Isn’t the point of this that they have to stick it out? And prove to everyone that if you spend enough time with someone, you’ll probably learn to tolerate them?
Is someone going to tell them they’ll probably get less than 10,000 followers from only one week on the show? Does Collins think he’ll get a replacement bride he actually likes, and that’s why he’s agreeing?
Collins jumps in on Natalie’s departure speech with his own.
“Collins, mate, shut up,” Lauren says in a piece to camera. We were all thinking it and for that, I thank Lauren.
“Collins is pretending to be upset as well when you know he’s not.” Jayden says. “I don’t know where that’s come from but it’s not right.”
“He’s probably more pissed off. There’s a lot of fake tears coming from Collins, as much as I love him,” Jayden continues. Meow!
Collins is sad because he has to go to work tomorrow like the rest of us.
No one cares.
Lucinda would like to know who’s fucking and Lauren would like to know the size and functionality of the dicks involved.
Lucinda is deciding that the age-old confusion of siblings or dating is actually a “divine orchestration” that makes people a good match. I think?
I don’t know — I was as confused as Richard, who she has decided to call “Dicky”.
At another part of the table, Jack is telling Jayden a riveting story about the time he put on five kilos in five days during his MAFS honeymoon in Vanuatu.
Jayden decides he doesn’t give two shits about Jack’s yo-yo diet so addresses Jack’s ex-girlfriend instead.
“Man bun versus man bun” declares MAFS expert Mel Schilling from the depths of her Harry Potter cupboard.
How’s Lauren feeling about the drama?
“I’m such a nosy bitch and this shit to me is like heroin,” she states. “I love it!”
“Obviously everyone knows about the article that came out about Jack,” Jayden pushes at the table.
Lucinda asks who Jack is and I really hope this is a mind game to knock him down a peg.
“I’ve got a disgruntled ex, basically,” he says.
Dicky says that — according to the article — Jack told the woman in question that he was going overseas for three months.
Jack maintains it was a casual relationship. “She fell a little bit harder for me a little bit quicker.”
“I’ve got everything on this girl that I would need to have, but I would never do it,” he tells them. “She has a pretty colourful past.”
Feels like a thinly-veiled threat if you ask me.
He admits that there’s “little truths” to things she said and he could go into all of it in detail, if he wanted.
“This is about me and Tori, and I just feel for Tori.”
He says he tried to end the supposedly casual relationship six or seven weeks ago, when he didn’t even know if he’d be on the MAFS experiment.
Now it’s eight weeks ago, with Alessandra confirming he would’ve been looking into being part of this show at that time.
Apparently the ex rocked up to his work after he ended things, which is just a shit attempt at discrediting her IMO. Jack said that’s when he said he’s going overseas — basically saying that he had to lie so she wouldn’t turn up unannounced anymore.
Jack decides he doesn’t like Lauren because she has a voice and says things with it.
Poor Tori, TBH.
She starts to speak and then Jack finishes her sentence, but not in a cute way.
“It is a non-issue,” she reckons.
Jack tells everyone that Tori had his back from the get-go and that she has high emotional intelligence, which is probably true, but Lauren’s good and lazy eyes (her words) are on Jack and his other probable lies.
Tomorrow night, the MAFS ranking task is back for some reason (wtf) and Jayden drops a bombshell. See you then for our next MAFS recap!
Chantelle Schmidt is a freelance writer. Tell her how much you hate her MAFS recaps on Instagram here.
Watch MAFS Season 11 episodes on 9 and 9Now.