Guys, I’m mildly regretting committing to these recaps of Love Island Australia 2019, because there are SO. MANY. BLOODY. EPISODES.
[jwplayer cYRrlbK0]
Last night’s episode wasn’t a lot in terms of drama but it DID set the foundations for plenty of the stuff. Here’s a full recap of what went down.
So we started the episode with everyone saying hi to newbies Anna and Phoebe. Turns out Anna knows Matt from the outside – he DMed her before the show. Obviously, Vanessa is shitting herself over this, especially when Anna says she’s mainly into Eoghan and Matt.
Jessie’s also not enthused about all the Eoghan love since Phoebe also makes it known she finds him to be a hottie hotterson hotsy potato.
After this pass agg interlude, Anna takes Eoghan aside to suss whether he’s vibing her. He is because he is vibing literally anyone with a vagina at this point – he all but says Jessie is just a temporary bed buddy and he’s 100% open to Anna’s advances. Which is fair enough but I just can’t get past how shady this dude is – he tells Jessie all the right things, then tells other women the right things so everyone stays interested in him.
Everyone is all blah blah I’m letting my man be open to love but secretly they’re like I’ll cut a bitch if he leaves me. Meanwhile, Cynthia MY QUEEN is getting her heart broken by Sam, who isn’t vibing her. I fucking hate how no one in this villa can see what an angel Cynthia is, fucking come onnnnnn.
Elsewhere, Phoebe is telling Anna and Maurice who she thinks is her perfect match in the villa. She tells them Eoghan – and also Cassie. They can’t get their head around Phoebe also liking women. Lol.
So the public has voted for who Anna/Phoebe’s first dates will be, and the public picks ADAM for both of them. Clearly, Adam’s got a rampant fan base out here, which is a warning sign that he’ll make it through to the end so if these women are smart, they’ll pair up with him.
Anna and Adam are first to head off on their date, so they go get prepped.
Their date is the most hilariously cheapo thing I’ve ever seen – it’s literally a plastic table/chair set that’s been plonked on a platform in the middle of a pool. Which is in a COW FIELD.
They have fun, idk it’s boring. I’m mainly here for the cows.
Then Adam goes to the exact same spot with Phoebe, and again it’s boring.
Eoghan and Jessie have a D & M about Anna, and Eoghan is just the woooorst, saying his feelings toward her haven’t changed (they have) and that he’s disappointed she’s not as distraught as he would be if she met someone new.
Eoghan then gets back to back texts – he’s been selected by both Anna and Phoebe as their #1 dream date in the villa. Naturally he is stoked on himself.
Everyone gives Jessie terrible advice – to be really aggressive and make it known he is her man. She, instead, did the mature thing by telling him it’s fine if he wants to get to know other people, and if their feelings are legit then they’re legit. But of course, now the villa has convinced her to be really insecure. Cool!
So instead of being her chill self, she leaps onto him like a baby possum.
I need to really paint this picture – someone wheels out a chair for Jessie, she stands on it, punches the air and says “fuck the game!” then latches onto Eoghan, who is extremely (understandably) taken aback. It’s cute but it’s not really her vibe, and I’m annoyed everyone freaked her out and convinced her to be an idiot.
She then says some weird french that Vanessa taught her, and Eoghan walks out extremely confused.
To the villa’s credit though, Eoghan seems thrown enough to shut down romance with Phoebe. He tells her about the jumping kiss, and she takes it as a sign he’s not keen.
BUT! He then goes on his Anna date and is very much telling her all the right things – instant spark, he’s confused now. She asks him if there was a recoupling, who would he choose. He says Anna. Oh. My. God. SPICY!
Maurice is still trying to make Cynthia like him, and she’s annoyingly coming around. NO CYNTHIA JUST WAIT FOR YOUR PERFECT HUNK. Also her sunnies, lol.
Cartier tells us that she’s “bowing out of the Eoghan race” which is a mood and a half, great decision. Instead she’s into Adam. Which is confusing because he does not seem like Mr Wait For Marriage, you know? But ok.
They have about as much chemistry as a mouldy tea towel.
Also Sam is into Vanessa (????) and they also have the chemistry of maybe a soggy sponge someone left in the kitchen sink.
Vanessa is loving it sick – finally something to shove in Matt’s face. She really enjoys telling him what Sam said, and even exaggerates it a bit. Matt is fuming, which is a bit rich given he’s been vibing Anna.
Eoghan comes back from his Anna date and sits down to chat with Jessie. In great areas, she basically goes back to her roots and says she likes him but if he goes for Anna, she will get it. Honestly big ups to Jessie for not being controlling and being all “I’m not going to chase him, if he is keen he’s keen”.
Phoebe also tells Cassie she’s attracted to her, and Cassie is mayyybe keen? Watch this space.
Matt then confronts Sam, saying he’s not into how he “tried to break up the strongest couple” (lolololol dream on) and said Vanessa told him Sam only had eyes for Vanessa. Sam loses it because he DID NOT say that, and Vanessa loves being in the middle of two guys fighting over her. Except they’re not really fighting over her, they’re just yelling at each other.
Sam is like OFF the whole thing, and says “sort your own shit out, it’s got nothing to do with me” which is like MOOOOOOOOOD because Matt/Vanessa is an insecurity train wreck and has zero to do with Sam.
And that’s it – everyone sucks and no couple is safe.
